Merry Christmas Alex. How shall we celebrate your first Christmas? Oops.. It is your second christmas. I almost forget you have spent your first christmas in the freezer together with your 6 siblings (embryos).
How is it like to be kept in the freezer? What are your five remaining siblings doing? Are they having fun? I have just received the bill for their ( embryo ) storage. Shall I have an embryo transfer again next year? Pregnancy and giving birth is a bit challenging to me.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Dehydrated cow
I feel like a dehydrated cow. My baby seems to be permanently latched to my breast. Did I overfeed my baby? The pediatrician always assures me that my milk supply is sufficient. I cant help to compare my baby to his cousin. One week after birth my sister's baby weighs 4 kg, while my baby weighs 2.9 kg only. I once once scolded for benchmarking. Am i willing to swap my baby with my sister?
What is the reason for my low milk let-down? Despite of 20 ml pump output or sometimes even lower at 8th week, Our pediatrician still convince me to breastfeed without cow's milk supplement. My baby is not a cow. She said I have many allergies and I should not switch to cow's milk. She doesnt want to introduce foreign protein to my baby. Shhh... I did one dose in the past secretly. The bstool was too sticky. Shhh.... I should have told her. Anyway, I will test my patience and endurance. Up to when can I sustain breastfeeding?
What is wrong if we introduce foreign protein to my baby. Sooner or later he will be eating ice cream, Chocolates , and other milk products.
What is the reason for my low milk let-down? Despite of 20 ml pump output or sometimes even lower at 8th week, Our pediatrician still convince me to breastfeed without cow's milk supplement. My baby is not a cow. She said I have many allergies and I should not switch to cow's milk. She doesnt want to introduce foreign protein to my baby. Shhh... I did one dose in the past secretly. The bstool was too sticky. Shhh.... I should have told her. Anyway, I will test my patience and endurance. Up to when can I sustain breastfeeding?
What is wrong if we introduce foreign protein to my baby. Sooner or later he will be eating ice cream, Chocolates , and other milk products.
Ouch... My joints
Ouch... Joint pain. What could this be?
I had tested my esr and hba1c on my own intitive. My esr is 33. Could this mean low grade inflammation? Is this caused by my autoimmune disorder? my hba1c is 5.6. My hba1c had increased. Could this mean my insulin resistance had worsen?
I went to an endocrinologist and complained to him: joint paint + post partum weight gain. Could this be postpartum thyroditis? Like an old vechicle, I need a total tune up. I guess the thyroid test turns out negative. I cannot interpret. I havent go back to my endocrinologist yet.
I hate to go to see my rheumatologist. I feel she can just help to alleviate my symptoms but there is no breakthrough cure.
Could my esr related to my anti phospholipid antibody activity?
I had tested my esr and hba1c on my own intitive. My esr is 33. Could this mean low grade inflammation? Is this caused by my autoimmune disorder? my hba1c is 5.6. My hba1c had increased. Could this mean my insulin resistance had worsen?
I went to an endocrinologist and complained to him: joint paint + post partum weight gain. Could this be postpartum thyroditis? Like an old vechicle, I need a total tune up. I guess the thyroid test turns out negative. I cannot interpret. I havent go back to my endocrinologist yet.
I hate to go to see my rheumatologist. I feel she can just help to alleviate my symptoms but there is no breakthrough cure.
Could my esr related to my anti phospholipid antibody activity?
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Job well done, what is next?
My birthing experience is water under the bridge. My new challenge is to have a second round of embryo transfer or not? I like to have another baby but I am afraid of my birthing ordeal.
I am now 39 years old, I need to decide and act fast. One more baby or not? How many embryo shall we transfer? Huahuahua... The crying sound of my baby if he is hungry. What if I have twins with double huahuahua? It is challenging. I can imagine that I am carrying two babies under my armpit and breastfeeding at the same time. My son's pedia is against milk formula.
Before everything else, can we have a successful implantation? My prepregnancy weight was 130 lbs . During pregnancy, my weight was 170 lbs. Now, it is 160 lbs. where did my excess weight go? Should I lose weight? Whatelse should I do to increase my chance of implantation success? I am not confident that we may succeed the second time around. Am I officially declared as 'fertile' mom?
I am now 39 years old, I need to decide and act fast. One more baby or not? How many embryo shall we transfer? Huahuahua... The crying sound of my baby if he is hungry. What if I have twins with double huahuahua? It is challenging. I can imagine that I am carrying two babies under my armpit and breastfeeding at the same time. My son's pedia is against milk formula.
Before everything else, can we have a successful implantation? My prepregnancy weight was 130 lbs . During pregnancy, my weight was 170 lbs. Now, it is 160 lbs. where did my excess weight go? Should I lose weight? Whatelse should I do to increase my chance of implantation success? I am not confident that we may succeed the second time around. Am I officially declared as 'fertile' mom?
Saturday, September 19, 2015
I hate my anesthesiologist
I hate my anesthesiologist. I should have backed out before the c-section. But, I was transfused with blood products already. I don't want to call off the c-section that day. Should I trust this arrogant anesthesiologist?
I told him that I am allergic to three local anesthetics. He gave me a sarcastic reply: doctors cant be a good accountant. And accountants cant be a good doctor. I guess this was his most polite reply. This is short of saying mind your own business.
This is dumb I do, dumb I dont situation. i will be blamed for anti untowards incident that may happened to me if I dont declare before the procedure that I am allergic to some anesthestetics. If I tell the doctor that I am allergic to some local anesthetics, he feels I am a know-it-all person, as if I am trying to compete with his bread and butter. Hey! It is my right to be informed as a patient.
He said nobody gets allergy from local anesthetics. He will be using preservative free anesthetics. Then, I asked what anesthetics shall he use? He replied: he will not put his license at stake for my operation. Wow! That sounds reassurance ah. People develop allergy from preservatives only! Noted, sir!
I remember during the procedure he put gas into my nose. I just dont know what gas is it. When, I was in the recovery room, I saw red light blinking in their monitor. I try to peep on the monitor, but i was helplessly unable to carry my body. I was too tried to talk, Too tired to ask what went wrong. I was then put into trendelenburg position. Hmmm... What went wrong? How much was my blood pressure? A week after my discharge, I asked the hospital to release my medical record particularly the anesthesia record. Ouch, my blood pressure was 70/40. I guess I had made a correct reading.
I remember before discharging me from the recovery room this arrogant anesthesiologist told me that I may experience itch. It is not allergy but it is a reaction to morphine. He has prescribed an antidote. I then said: not benadryl yah! He gave me the assurance that the antidote to itch is not benadryl. It is Nubain. Nubain contains preservatives. I got difficulty breathing right after. Is it the result of my anesthesiologist negligence?
By the way, what is the credential of Dr. William Billy Ong ?
I told him that I am allergic to three local anesthetics. He gave me a sarcastic reply: doctors cant be a good accountant. And accountants cant be a good doctor. I guess this was his most polite reply. This is short of saying mind your own business.
This is dumb I do, dumb I dont situation. i will be blamed for anti untowards incident that may happened to me if I dont declare before the procedure that I am allergic to some anesthestetics. If I tell the doctor that I am allergic to some local anesthetics, he feels I am a know-it-all person, as if I am trying to compete with his bread and butter. Hey! It is my right to be informed as a patient.
He said nobody gets allergy from local anesthetics. He will be using preservative free anesthetics. Then, I asked what anesthetics shall he use? He replied: he will not put his license at stake for my operation. Wow! That sounds reassurance ah. People develop allergy from preservatives only! Noted, sir!
I remember during the procedure he put gas into my nose. I just dont know what gas is it. When, I was in the recovery room, I saw red light blinking in their monitor. I try to peep on the monitor, but i was helplessly unable to carry my body. I was too tried to talk, Too tired to ask what went wrong. I was then put into trendelenburg position. Hmmm... What went wrong? How much was my blood pressure? A week after my discharge, I asked the hospital to release my medical record particularly the anesthesia record. Ouch, my blood pressure was 70/40. I guess I had made a correct reading.
I remember before discharging me from the recovery room this arrogant anesthesiologist told me that I may experience itch. It is not allergy but it is a reaction to morphine. He has prescribed an antidote. I then said: not benadryl yah! He gave me the assurance that the antidote to itch is not benadryl. It is Nubain. Nubain contains preservatives. I got difficulty breathing right after. Is it the result of my anesthesiologist negligence?
By the way, what is the credential of Dr. William Billy Ong ?
Saturday, September 5, 2015
my birthing experience
On the eve of my baby's birthing day, I was transfused with 3 packs of fresh frozen plasma. Unfortunately, I had reaction to the second pack of fresh frozen plasma. I have developed uticarial rashes. I was put on intravenous Benadryl 50mg. Then, the nurse told me that the medicine was a bit sharp and painful when injected. True enough, in a few seconds I have felt the drug running up my vein towards my lungs. Then, I complained I have difficulty in breathing. I felt like passing out. My companion said she can feel my neck veins while I was breathing as if I was striving to breathe. I should have been sedated by Benadryl but I am afraid to sleep. I felt something bad may happen and I have chills also. My companion told me that my voice was terribly weak. I just uttered: aircon off, I cant breathe, press buzzer. Moments later, several hospital coming in and out of my room. After few more minutes, I felt a painful contraction. Then, I began to worry about my baby. Did I just had a drug overdose? Is my baby still alive? I wanted to cry. I am so near to giving birth yet it seems I cannot control my fate. I prayed and I just surrender to my fate. Life is really unfair. Poor me, where is my husband? I dont have the energy to inform him about my tragedy. I was awake but drowsy, but i can feel hospital staffs coming in and out of my room. According to my companion, they seem are in panic mode. Then, the resident doctor rushed to checked my baby's heartbeat with a portable doppler. I was relieved to hear that the baby is still alive.
It was 4 am already, I tried to sleep but I could not. I was too weak to move also. I manage to negotiate a 5 minutes extension because I wish to take a bath first before going to the delivery room. I arrived the delivery room at 5:05 am. I was 5 minutes late but the doctors just came at around 6:15 am. Poor me, I should have a one hour extension instead of 5 minutes extension.
I was around 6:30 when they curled my body like a shrimp and injected a local anesthetics on my spine. i felt like being electrocuted by several thousands of thin wires. Shortly after, I lose control on my legs. Then, they crucified me. they put blood pressure monitor on my right arms and hook morphine on my left arm.
I never thought the medicine on my left hand was morphine. Did morphine let me felt like in cloud nine? I felt my legs were floating. But, I cannot control my legs. I can control my head only during the procedure. I was helpless. My life was in the hands of my obgyne and anesthesiologist. I was shattering, my teeth was clenching and my arms was shaking throughout the entire procedure. I had developed an intense itch from morphine after the procedure. I tried to withstand the itch. Finally, I gave in about 4:30pm. Then, they gave me Nubain- anti itch and anti pain ya. It sounds nice! We can strike two birds with one stone. unfortunately, less than 5 minutes after injecting Nubain, I felt intense heat running down my feet. I was sweating and I had difficulty in breathing. my respiratory rythm was one short inhale and followed by two exhales.
then, I sent an sms to my Obgyne: minimal meds, pls! No more anti-itch and pain killers! I will withstand the pain! is my jinx a product of ghost month? or is it negligence on part of my doctors.
It was 4 am already, I tried to sleep but I could not. I was too weak to move also. I manage to negotiate a 5 minutes extension because I wish to take a bath first before going to the delivery room. I arrived the delivery room at 5:05 am. I was 5 minutes late but the doctors just came at around 6:15 am. Poor me, I should have a one hour extension instead of 5 minutes extension.
I was around 6:30 when they curled my body like a shrimp and injected a local anesthetics on my spine. i felt like being electrocuted by several thousands of thin wires. Shortly after, I lose control on my legs. Then, they crucified me. they put blood pressure monitor on my right arms and hook morphine on my left arm.
I never thought the medicine on my left hand was morphine. Did morphine let me felt like in cloud nine? I felt my legs were floating. But, I cannot control my legs. I can control my head only during the procedure. I was helpless. My life was in the hands of my obgyne and anesthesiologist. I was shattering, my teeth was clenching and my arms was shaking throughout the entire procedure. I had developed an intense itch from morphine after the procedure. I tried to withstand the itch. Finally, I gave in about 4:30pm. Then, they gave me Nubain- anti itch and anti pain ya. It sounds nice! We can strike two birds with one stone. unfortunately, less than 5 minutes after injecting Nubain, I felt intense heat running down my feet. I was sweating and I had difficulty in breathing. my respiratory rythm was one short inhale and followed by two exhales.
then, I sent an sms to my Obgyne: minimal meds, pls! No more anti-itch and pain killers! I will withstand the pain! is my jinx a product of ghost month? or is it negligence on part of my doctors.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
today is platelet aphresis day
My husband brought a donor to Red Cross for platelet aphresis. How come he was labelled as Type O+ blood before? We have done the screening last week. How come Red Cross just told us in the last minute that our donor is of different blood type?
We were caught empty handed. Where shall we get a replacement donor? It is a disaster! Can I postpone the c-section a day later? Is my amniotic fluid still within the safe level? Come what may.
I pray for a successful delivery.
We were caught empty handed. Where shall we get a replacement donor? It is a disaster! Can I postpone the c-section a day later? Is my amniotic fluid still within the safe level? Come what may.
I pray for a successful delivery.
What is my son's name?
My husband is an old school. He prefers to use a very common name. So that when he calls out that name everybody will turn their heads. I am not against being an old school. However, the combination of names he suggested were mismatches. Like for example:
1. Alexander Egbert. My husband's middle name is Elbert. Ouch... My son will end up as a laughing stock. Egg-bert. He wants the middle name starts with letter E. But, I dont feel any name would fit if combined with Alexander.
2. Alexander Mark. He tries to convince me that name sounds good. I tried to be diplomatic. I suggested Mark Alexander instead. But, he insists Alexander should be the first name. Grrr.... Because my husband's name starts with letter A.
Unfortunately, all my suggestions were rejected. Last night, I told him. I dont want to search the internet for middle name anymore as I have proposed more than 20 names already. I forced him to choose from my short list of eight names. That includes Mark Alexander and Alexander Egbert.
To be fair, he suggested why not try to look for names that starts with letter S. Because, my name starts with letter S. I told him: If I am going to choose a name that starts with letter S, it should be the first name. Alexander should be a middle name, otherwise my son will have an initial of ASS.
Why are we so meticulous? Having a unique name or a very common name does not guarantee that our baby will grow up to be a successful man with great contribution to our society. Ai... So be it! Alexander Wayne.
I hope my husband is not fickle minded. What weird suggestions shall I receive in the next two days?
1. Alexander Egbert. My husband's middle name is Elbert. Ouch... My son will end up as a laughing stock. Egg-bert. He wants the middle name starts with letter E. But, I dont feel any name would fit if combined with Alexander.
2. Alexander Mark. He tries to convince me that name sounds good. I tried to be diplomatic. I suggested Mark Alexander instead. But, he insists Alexander should be the first name. Grrr.... Because my husband's name starts with letter A.
Unfortunately, all my suggestions were rejected. Last night, I told him. I dont want to search the internet for middle name anymore as I have proposed more than 20 names already. I forced him to choose from my short list of eight names. That includes Mark Alexander and Alexander Egbert.
To be fair, he suggested why not try to look for names that starts with letter S. Because, my name starts with letter S. I told him: If I am going to choose a name that starts with letter S, it should be the first name. Alexander should be a middle name, otherwise my son will have an initial of ASS.
Why are we so meticulous? Having a unique name or a very common name does not guarantee that our baby will grow up to be a successful man with great contribution to our society. Ai... So be it! Alexander Wayne.
I hope my husband is not fickle minded. What weird suggestions shall I receive in the next two days?
Tomorrow is sept 2
My three donors went to Red Cross for blood letting today. I will be needing three packs of fresh frozen plasma. And tomorrow, one donor will be sent to Red Cross for platelet apheresis. And, I will be going to have a check up at my obgyne's clinic tomorrow morning.
Mixed emotions... Am I excited? For sure, I am scared. What shall I eat for my dinner tonight? It should be something extra ordinary. Ouch... Never mind... Stop fantasizing my dinner! It is not the same as the last meal offered to convicts before their execution. Sad to say, I feel something like that. Shall I survive the operating table? I need to celebrate tonight! But, I feel guilty if I dine out and I still defy my doctor's order- complete bed rest.
Other people before me have survived the c-section. Why am I afraid? It is just like doing a bungy jumping with harness. Yep, I did bungy jumping before. It is safe. But, I dont know why am I so unease. What is the incidence rate of the rope accident? Ehem... What anesthesia shall I use on Sept 3? Haha, morphine or cocaine!
I pray for a successful delivery.
Mixed emotions... Am I excited? For sure, I am scared. What shall I eat for my dinner tonight? It should be something extra ordinary. Ouch... Never mind... Stop fantasizing my dinner! It is not the same as the last meal offered to convicts before their execution. Sad to say, I feel something like that. Shall I survive the operating table? I need to celebrate tonight! But, I feel guilty if I dine out and I still defy my doctor's order- complete bed rest.
Other people before me have survived the c-section. Why am I afraid? It is just like doing a bungy jumping with harness. Yep, I did bungy jumping before. It is safe. But, I dont know why am I so unease. What is the incidence rate of the rope accident? Ehem... What anesthesia shall I use on Sept 3? Haha, morphine or cocaine!
I pray for a successful delivery.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
how many embryo left?
My obgyne asked: how many embryos do I left in Hong Kong? She was pushing me to have another embryo transfer. I was speechless. I am worried about post partum flare- ankylosing spondylitis and uveitis.
Ei, am I fertile? Is this pregnancy a result of pure luck? Will there be a lucky streak? should I be greedy? Can I opt not to use Ivig? I am afraid of antibodies. I had systemic inflammation before ( crp + ) two days after ivig.
I have not given birth yet. But my obgyne has asked how many embryo do I still have in Hong Kong for several times already.
one, two, three, push, push, push
one, two, three, push, push, push... I am not yet in labor. Was there an aerobics class ongoing in the obgyne complex? I used to hear one, two, three, push... push in the gym.
My NST today was great. No contraction. But, I do feel contraction while sitting and walking. I need to have a little more patience on my complete bed rest. Hmmm... can I really have a complete bed rest? I am experiencing acid reflux, if I lay on bed shortly after eating. My butt and shoulders are aching because of prolonged lying on the bed.
Monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday... 4 days to go. Im scared. By the way, I will be going to have c-section instead of vaginal delivery. My immunologist would not allow me to contract as it will cut off the oxygen supply to the baby. Please wish me luck. 🙏
My NST today was great. No contraction. But, I do feel contraction while sitting and walking. I need to have a little more patience on my complete bed rest. Hmmm... can I really have a complete bed rest? I am experiencing acid reflux, if I lay on bed shortly after eating. My butt and shoulders are aching because of prolonged lying on the bed.
Monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday... 4 days to go. Im scared. By the way, I will be going to have c-section instead of vaginal delivery. My immunologist would not allow me to contract as it will cut off the oxygen supply to the baby. Please wish me luck. 🙏
Friday, August 28, 2015
5 days to go
Estimated fetal weight: Week31- 1861 g, week32- 2536 g, week 33- 2168g week 34- 2233g, week35 tuesday 2363g and week35- 2913g
Is the sharp fetal weight gain caused by my sweet tooth? But, i did not gain weight this month. Or was it ultrasound measurement error? I dont know why my obgyne had moved our c-section sched to its orignal date- sept 3. She just agreed on thursday to move the cs schedule earlier. Perhaps, she believes that the baby is continuosly growing. And there is no need for a rush c-section. The data are on her chart. I just dont know whether she analyses it or not.
Although the fetal weight appeared to be heavier. Its BPD and FL became shorter, compared to the measurment 3 days ago. Ai... I want to believe on my immunologist comments. Im scared. Anyway, I will just trust my beloved obgyne. If she wants to delay so be it. But, i am afraid of brain damage and still birth.
5 days to go and it will be sept 3.
Is the sharp fetal weight gain caused by my sweet tooth? But, i did not gain weight this month. Or was it ultrasound measurement error? I dont know why my obgyne had moved our c-section sched to its orignal date- sept 3. She just agreed on thursday to move the cs schedule earlier. Perhaps, she believes that the baby is continuosly growing. And there is no need for a rush c-section. The data are on her chart. I just dont know whether she analyses it or not.
Although the fetal weight appeared to be heavier. Its BPD and FL became shorter, compared to the measurment 3 days ago. Ai... I want to believe on my immunologist comments. Im scared. Anyway, I will just trust my beloved obgyne. If she wants to delay so be it. But, i am afraid of brain damage and still birth.
5 days to go and it will be sept 3.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
3 days to go
We have to fast track to c-s delivery day. I have minor contraction last night. It was caught during my NST. But, I did not feel anything unusual. The intern said he had touched by tummy during the spike in the tracings. My muscle had indeed contracted. Anyway, that was just a minor contraction. I was given a tocolytic for that matter. No worries.
This morning, I have received an email from my dearest immunologist. He complains that there is a growth discrepancy between the head and abdomen of the fetus. The deceleration of growth is because of placental damage on top of placental ageing. ... The growth deceleration during the last 2-3 ultrasounds means the placenta is progressively deteriorating. ... Be prepared in case I have to deliver before wednesday next week.
Deteriorating? Early delivery? Oh my god. I need to take it out as soon as possible! I dont want the baby to die in my womb.
This morning, I have received an email from my dearest immunologist. He complains that there is a growth discrepancy between the head and abdomen of the fetus. The deceleration of growth is because of placental damage on top of placental ageing. ... The growth deceleration during the last 2-3 ultrasounds means the placenta is progressively deteriorating. ... Be prepared in case I have to deliver before wednesday next week.
Deteriorating? Early delivery? Oh my god. I need to take it out as soon as possible! I dont want the baby to die in my womb.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
10 days to go
Why I tend to stare at my calendar and do my countdown? Hey... I know it is just 10 days to go. I am still scared. Maybe I have an obsessive compulsive disorder! I am still afraid. To me, 10 days is too long. Many unexpected things may still happen.
Dear God, Please don't let me cry.
Hi baby, which name do you want? Alexander Gerard, Sean Alexander, Mark Alexander or none of the above?
Dear God, Please don't let me cry.
Hi baby, which name do you want? Alexander Gerard, Sean Alexander, Mark Alexander or none of the above?
My stress factors this pregnancy
1. Crp + while waiting for heartbeat (week 5-6)
2. Dim ultrasounds - low progesterone
3. Irregular shaped gestational sac week 6
4. Bluffed by obgyne regarding amniotic fluid level week 7
5. Kct, drvvt - i have soya and tofu quota. I detest its taste.
6. Low albumin- i eat like a vacuum cleaner. I may habe to shake my tummy to fill more food. My protein intake was never enough
7. Sleepless
8. Bloated stomach
9. Ultrasound measurements - gestational diabetes issue and intrauterine growth retardation issue
Overall, I feel a am lucky compared to those who suffers morning sickness. My main stress factor is food intake. I just feel like I am stucked in the opinions of my three doctors during my third trimester. I sometimes suspect on the accuracy of my obgyne's ultrasound measurements. Sometimes the abdominal circumference is lagging. One time the abdominal circumference was 4 weeks ahead. Too much amniotic fluid and low amniotic fluid. Do I really have gestational diabetes? Should i be really on insulin? Why sometimes I experience hypoglycemia? Obgyne told me not to diet, I should take insulin instead. Immunologist told me that my target albumin level is 39. It had dropped from 42 and My albumin was just around 36 even when I am on 42 tablets of amino acids. My target fetal weight gain is 150g per week. Unfortunately, I was not on track but I am always full. He adjusted the target week gain per week to 200g. I need to catch up. He added Heraclene in order to enhance my protein absorption and to boost my appetite even further. Because, the fetus should hit the target weight of 2.5kg by the end of week 35. Ouch, ouch intrauterine growth retardation? I should eat more protein enriched foods. I remember one time during the consult my husband called me to ask what do I want for midnight snack? My immunologist smiled and replied: beef tenderloin. Ehem... Endocrinologist asked me not to over eat. Maximum weight gain 1 kg/ week for me. I am gaining about 2kg/week. My sugar is usually within normal range. My insulin resistance is particularly high in the morning. Sometimes I also experience some blood sugar spikes after meals. Is this the reason why I got more amniotic fluid and bigger AC of the fetus?
In one episode, I was shocked to learn that the fetus has gained 700g. A week prior to that my immunologist said: there was not much growth in fetal weight. My fetus has disproportionate growth of head, limbs and abdomen. I went crazy eating. Btw, Was it a measurement error? Is there an abnormality on my baby? Was it caused by too much amino acid? i don't thnik amino acid is the culprit since my albumin is on the low side. Oops, perhaps the amino acid has caused too much weight gain on the fetus. I feel one of the contributor of my stress is really the accuracy of my ultrasound measurements. Grrr... A week after the fetus has dropped 400g. Measurement error?
Crazy! Finally, I dont want to over eat. Come what may. I will let amino acid dictate the outcome. I hope my fetus can eventually reach 2.5 kg ( +/- 10%) by the end of week 35.
2. Dim ultrasounds - low progesterone
3. Irregular shaped gestational sac week 6
4. Bluffed by obgyne regarding amniotic fluid level week 7
5. Kct, drvvt - i have soya and tofu quota. I detest its taste.
6. Low albumin- i eat like a vacuum cleaner. I may habe to shake my tummy to fill more food. My protein intake was never enough
7. Sleepless
8. Bloated stomach
9. Ultrasound measurements - gestational diabetes issue and intrauterine growth retardation issue
Overall, I feel a am lucky compared to those who suffers morning sickness. My main stress factor is food intake. I just feel like I am stucked in the opinions of my three doctors during my third trimester. I sometimes suspect on the accuracy of my obgyne's ultrasound measurements. Sometimes the abdominal circumference is lagging. One time the abdominal circumference was 4 weeks ahead. Too much amniotic fluid and low amniotic fluid. Do I really have gestational diabetes? Should i be really on insulin? Why sometimes I experience hypoglycemia? Obgyne told me not to diet, I should take insulin instead. Immunologist told me that my target albumin level is 39. It had dropped from 42 and My albumin was just around 36 even when I am on 42 tablets of amino acids. My target fetal weight gain is 150g per week. Unfortunately, I was not on track but I am always full. He adjusted the target week gain per week to 200g. I need to catch up. He added Heraclene in order to enhance my protein absorption and to boost my appetite even further. Because, the fetus should hit the target weight of 2.5kg by the end of week 35. Ouch, ouch intrauterine growth retardation? I should eat more protein enriched foods. I remember one time during the consult my husband called me to ask what do I want for midnight snack? My immunologist smiled and replied: beef tenderloin. Ehem... Endocrinologist asked me not to over eat. Maximum weight gain 1 kg/ week for me. I am gaining about 2kg/week. My sugar is usually within normal range. My insulin resistance is particularly high in the morning. Sometimes I also experience some blood sugar spikes after meals. Is this the reason why I got more amniotic fluid and bigger AC of the fetus?
In one episode, I was shocked to learn that the fetus has gained 700g. A week prior to that my immunologist said: there was not much growth in fetal weight. My fetus has disproportionate growth of head, limbs and abdomen. I went crazy eating. Btw, Was it a measurement error? Is there an abnormality on my baby? Was it caused by too much amino acid? i don't thnik amino acid is the culprit since my albumin is on the low side. Oops, perhaps the amino acid has caused too much weight gain on the fetus. I feel one of the contributor of my stress is really the accuracy of my ultrasound measurements. Grrr... A week after the fetus has dropped 400g. Measurement error?
Crazy! Finally, I dont want to over eat. Come what may. I will let amino acid dictate the outcome. I hope my fetus can eventually reach 2.5 kg ( +/- 10%) by the end of week 35.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
How does it like on post partum?
How does it like being a mom? I just fired my new hired nanny and house maid. I have no luck. I fired six already. I am still searching. Can I do survive without any helpers around?
Is the c-section wound painful? I cant imagine myself not taking a bath for three weeks. Fried pigeon and black chicken will soon be my permanent staple. How will I look like a month from now? Is it fat, fatter or fattest?
Can I really do latching on breastfeeding? Will I have a post partum flare - uveitis and ankylosing spondylitis?
Is the c-section wound painful? I cant imagine myself not taking a bath for three weeks. Fried pigeon and black chicken will soon be my permanent staple. How will I look like a month from now? Is it fat, fatter or fattest?
Can I really do latching on breastfeeding? Will I have a post partum flare - uveitis and ankylosing spondylitis?
11 days to go and my holy bracelet
During this pregnancy, I got nightmares about ghosts trying to take away my baby from my womb. I dreamt of praying for safety. I remember last time when I had spotting, I also got that sort of nightmare. The ghost was trying to suck away the soul of my fetus from my womb. I also dreamt of robbers or bad guys kicking my womb.
When I woke up, I tend to remeber only a small fragment of my dreams. It is either: i am being chased by bad guys or ghosts and my bracelet was protecting me from evil. Are those warning signs for miscarriage? Perhaps, my dreams reflect my pessimism.
It is 11 days to go before my c-section. I cannot imagine how near I am to my delivery day. 11 days seems too long to me. I forgot the exact dream last night. I just remember when I prayed in my dream and I was not wearing a holy bracelet. Was it a coincidence? I dont wear that holy bracelet to sleep every night. Sometimes, I got those ghost dreams if I forgot to wear my bracelet.
I got that bracelet from my mom. She bought it for me when we went to China temple for pilgrim. Is this a psychologic thing or what? How can I comment? There is no scientific evidence to prove the efficacy of amulet. I cant imagine how my subconsciousness was programmed : wearing my bracelet confers protection against evil. Anyways, I hope I am really blessed by God on this pregnancy. I wish to go to the China temple again to offer my gratitude after giving birth.
Up to now, I cannot imagine myself carrying the baby, breastfeeding and the likes. I pray for smooth delivery and happy healthy baby.
When I woke up, I tend to remeber only a small fragment of my dreams. It is either: i am being chased by bad guys or ghosts and my bracelet was protecting me from evil. Are those warning signs for miscarriage? Perhaps, my dreams reflect my pessimism.
It is 11 days to go before my c-section. I cannot imagine how near I am to my delivery day. 11 days seems too long to me. I forgot the exact dream last night. I just remember when I prayed in my dream and I was not wearing a holy bracelet. Was it a coincidence? I dont wear that holy bracelet to sleep every night. Sometimes, I got those ghost dreams if I forgot to wear my bracelet.
I got that bracelet from my mom. She bought it for me when we went to China temple for pilgrim. Is this a psychologic thing or what? How can I comment? There is no scientific evidence to prove the efficacy of amulet. I cant imagine how my subconsciousness was programmed : wearing my bracelet confers protection against evil. Anyways, I hope I am really blessed by God on this pregnancy. I wish to go to the China temple again to offer my gratitude after giving birth.
Up to now, I cannot imagine myself carrying the baby, breastfeeding and the likes. I pray for smooth delivery and happy healthy baby.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Sleepy baby
Last week, i had my betamethasone injection. That may also be the culprit for fewer fetal movements. Whatever... Benadryl is safe for pregnancy. But, it can also sedate the baby. My conscience is clear.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Learn to say 'No' to nepotism
I realized I should make my own stand. I should say 'No' to nepotism. I thought of this several times already. It is my right to choose my own doctor.
I dont want to regret my decision of not insisting to have a neonatologist for my baby. I need to learn the art of saying 'no' to her sister-in-law, regular pediatrician.
I dont want to regret my decision of not insisting to have a neonatologist for my baby. I need to learn the art of saying 'no' to her sister-in-law, regular pediatrician.
Say 'No' to Benadryl
I went to have NST cardiotocograph last sunday. The internet had used the buzzer for nine times already but the baby just had a little response to the buzz. The I told the intern that the baby was moved a lot on friday. I seldom feel his movement on Saturday and Sunday. It seems that he barely kicked once. Actually, I am a little worried that is why I went to the hospital on Sunday afternoon instead of Sunday evening or Monday evening.
Good news: the baby's heart rate was good. But, it seems like the baby was sedated. Btw, was the baby sedated? Ehem, ehem I took Benadryl for two days already. So that was the culprit.
My immunologist said I have dry skin. But, I have applied body lotion for several times a day. I was lazy to buy his recommended brand of hypoallergenic lotion. Because it is only available in our nearby mall and drug stores.
My brother and mom laughed at my story. Then, I remembered Aveeno Oatmeal Lotion which I have used during my maiden days. Thank god, Aveeno helped! No exagerration... It was fast acting.
I thought Benadryl was my silver bullet. I can hit two birds with one stone. I could stop the itch and have a good sleep. Benadryl is FDA category B. But, it can cross placenta.
Good news: the baby's heart rate was good. But, it seems like the baby was sedated. Btw, was the baby sedated? Ehem, ehem I took Benadryl for two days already. So that was the culprit.
My immunologist said I have dry skin. But, I have applied body lotion for several times a day. I was lazy to buy his recommended brand of hypoallergenic lotion. Because it is only available in our nearby mall and drug stores.
My brother and mom laughed at my story. Then, I remembered Aveeno Oatmeal Lotion which I have used during my maiden days. Thank god, Aveeno helped! No exagerration... It was fast acting.
I thought Benadryl was my silver bullet. I can hit two birds with one stone. I could stop the itch and have a good sleep. Benadryl is FDA category B. But, it can cross placenta.
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Is benadryl addicting?
I feel intense itch all over. The itch is real, Im not acting! I love the side effect of benadryl - good sleep. It sounds like Im starting to get addicted to benadryl. I took benadryl couple of times already. It usually take it at 3:30 to 4 am, when I widely awake and itching all over.
My itch is real. I dont have cholestasis but i applied plenty of lotion all over my body for several times today. I just dont know why the itch is more intense in midnight.
My itch is real. I dont have cholestasis but i applied plenty of lotion all over my body for several times today. I just dont know why the itch is more intense in midnight.
DIY labor
I had three cycles of betamethasone injections. Usually, it was injected on two consecutive days- 24 hours apart. I thought I was scheduled to have my last betamethasone injection at 2 pm yesterday. To my surprise, when I arrived my obgyne's it was closed already. Ai, I had a DIY (do-it-yourself) injection. I injected it on my right butt. I thought that was easy but my left arms got cramps while positioning the syringe. Naughty me, I called my obgyne's secretary to bug their conscience. Finally, I cracked a joke. I said the most important thing is my obgyne should be available during my delivery. Otherwise, I may need to carefully study on how my neighbor's dog did her DIY labor. Why are the dogs more intelligent than me?
Ouch... That was really a bad joke. It reminded me of my monstrous obgyne ( my first obgyne .) My first obgyne is my current obgyne's mentor. Chances are, she may act as reliever should my current obgyne not be available. Ouch ouch ouch. I am not playing a battle of pride. I can't explain my feelings. I just pray that I will be need her service again!
It is now 4:50 am, why am I still awake? Is it because of betamethasone? Or is it becausse I am emoting again? People with autoimmune disorder are belongs to the lowest class of the society. And I dont deserve to live in this world. Ouch! I should had requested her recite the Hyprocratic Oath in from of me ya! Somehow, I regret I did not take up medicine course before. I thought that was the least challenging profession.
19 days to go- fingers crossed
19 days to go and It will be 36 weeks 2 days of my pregnancy. I will be having a c-section. I have mixed emotions: excited and scared.
Im scared of the following:
1. Bloods... I need 8 units of platelets 4 units of fresh frozen plasma and 2 units of standby whole blood
2. Anesthesia
3. Hemolytic disease of the newborn
I told my hdn concerns to my obgyne, it seems she doesnt care much. She just told me that her sister in law is very diligent. But, diligent does equate to intelligent. Ouch. I wish to have a neonatologist and not a regular pediatrician. I dont know how to request for one without offending my bratty obgyne. I wish I can consult my immunologist first before going into c-section. I dont know why I only trust my fairy godfather? Hmm... Perhaps he is an internist/ immunologist.
I dont want to give my obgyne a chance to blame ghosts' month for any untowards incident that my happen to me and my baby. I am a believer of ghosts' month. But, I wish to be more practical for the sake of the baby. Premature baby and baby whose blood type is other than o (from blood type o mom) are at risk of jaundice.
I feel the mechanism of RH and ABO agglutination and hemolysis is the same. I feel there is no difference between B and A blood. Grr... Where did she get the excuse that type b blood is more strong? I dont know what is the proper translation for strong? Does she mean more potent? I just shut up and sent her an sms message explaining my side. I feel type o blood has antibody to A and B blood. Hi, obgyne... I feel if my antibodies accidentally goes into my son's blood stream it may cause hemolysis. I am still puzzled why my sister had exchange transfusion. My guess was my mom's antibody had breached into my sister's blood stream. That caused her red blood cells to rupture. And thereby causing her to have too much bilirubin- severe jaundice. But my sister was not breastfeed.
I miss fairy godfather.
Im scared of the following:
1. Bloods... I need 8 units of platelets 4 units of fresh frozen plasma and 2 units of standby whole blood
2. Anesthesia
3. Hemolytic disease of the newborn
I told my hdn concerns to my obgyne, it seems she doesnt care much. She just told me that her sister in law is very diligent. But, diligent does equate to intelligent. Ouch. I wish to have a neonatologist and not a regular pediatrician. I dont know how to request for one without offending my bratty obgyne. I wish I can consult my immunologist first before going into c-section. I dont know why I only trust my fairy godfather? Hmm... Perhaps he is an internist/ immunologist.
I dont want to give my obgyne a chance to blame ghosts' month for any untowards incident that my happen to me and my baby. I am a believer of ghosts' month. But, I wish to be more practical for the sake of the baby. Premature baby and baby whose blood type is other than o (from blood type o mom) are at risk of jaundice.
I feel the mechanism of RH and ABO agglutination and hemolysis is the same. I feel there is no difference between B and A blood. Grr... Where did she get the excuse that type b blood is more strong? I dont know what is the proper translation for strong? Does she mean more potent? I just shut up and sent her an sms message explaining my side. I feel type o blood has antibody to A and B blood. Hi, obgyne... I feel if my antibodies accidentally goes into my son's blood stream it may cause hemolysis. I am still puzzled why my sister had exchange transfusion. My guess was my mom's antibody had breached into my sister's blood stream. That caused her red blood cells to rupture. And thereby causing her to have too much bilirubin- severe jaundice. But my sister was not breastfeed.
I miss fairy godfather.
Confused - fetal weight, AC and uterine growth restriction
Three weeks ago, my fairy godfather was suspecting an intrauterine growth restriction. He said in the span of 17 days, AC has just increased by two days wide. FL has just increased by 10 days, while bpd was on track. I was given Heraclene and my amino acids were increased to 42 tablets per day. The estimated fetal weight was 1.8kg.
A week after (two weeks ago), the estimated fetal weight was still 1.8 kg. Obgyne told me not to limit my food intake. I should take insulin shots instead. She said my immunologist was exaggerating. She considers iugr only when there is two weeks lag in the development.
Last week, the fetal weight was 2.5kg. How come the weight gain was above 700g in the span of 7 days? The estimated fetal age based on AC is 36weeks. Perhaps her previous measurement was wrong. It was supposed to weigh more. How to measure the abdominal circumference? Is the baby in slant view? How to estimate the fetal weight? Obgyne told me I need insulin! I became guilty on the food i ate. Maybe I have eaten high protein but too much calorie. My blood sugar was normal most of the time. I admit, sometimes my blood sugar tends to spike. Should I really take insulin? I handed my obgyne my home blood sugar monitoring record. Wow! Nice!
Is there abnormality with my baby? Why the baby gained too much? This week the fetus estimated age is just 32 weeks based on AC. Its weight has dropped by 300g. Now, it weighs just 2.2 kg. Why? Did i eat too few? Will the abdominal circumference measurement be affected by baby's movement or breathing?
I went to see my endocrinologist this week, I complained my blood sugar why sometimes my blood sugar drops to 65 and 70? Why sometimes my insulin resistance was high? I am still under observation til now. This means I have been pricking 4x60 for days= 240 times already.
I miss my immunologist. He is missing. What has happened to him? Thank god, my crp became negative on its own. Oopps, lab error last time?
A week after (two weeks ago), the estimated fetal weight was still 1.8 kg. Obgyne told me not to limit my food intake. I should take insulin shots instead. She said my immunologist was exaggerating. She considers iugr only when there is two weeks lag in the development.
Last week, the fetal weight was 2.5kg. How come the weight gain was above 700g in the span of 7 days? The estimated fetal age based on AC is 36weeks. Perhaps her previous measurement was wrong. It was supposed to weigh more. How to measure the abdominal circumference? Is the baby in slant view? How to estimate the fetal weight? Obgyne told me I need insulin! I became guilty on the food i ate. Maybe I have eaten high protein but too much calorie. My blood sugar was normal most of the time. I admit, sometimes my blood sugar tends to spike. Should I really take insulin? I handed my obgyne my home blood sugar monitoring record. Wow! Nice!
Is there abnormality with my baby? Why the baby gained too much? This week the fetus estimated age is just 32 weeks based on AC. Its weight has dropped by 300g. Now, it weighs just 2.2 kg. Why? Did i eat too few? Will the abdominal circumference measurement be affected by baby's movement or breathing?
I went to see my endocrinologist this week, I complained my blood sugar why sometimes my blood sugar drops to 65 and 70? Why sometimes my insulin resistance was high? I am still under observation til now. This means I have been pricking 4x60 for days= 240 times already.
I miss my immunologist. He is missing. What has happened to him? Thank god, my crp became negative on its own. Oopps, lab error last time?
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Cocaine
I am allergic to lidocaine, benzocaine and tetracaine. Unfortunately, my obgyne usually use those anesthetics. Hmmm... I never tried cocaine in my entire life. I am curious on what is the feeling in Cloud 9? Hello anesthesiologist, can I try cocaine? If I love it, I might get motivated to make a second baby!
Hemolytic disease of newborn and breastmilk
Aside from prematurity, ABO blood incompatibilty may also cause jaundice. My younger sister was born with orange color skin. She had exchange transfusion few days after she was born. My mom's blood type is O+, while my sister's blood type is B+. Oops, I forgot to tell this to my fairy godfather.
My blood type is O+, my husband's is A+. Then, what? I wish to have a very good neonatologist. Can I perform a Coomb's test from the cord blood? Will there be enough blood left for the cord blood banking?
Antibodies do not cross placenta, but how did my sister get HDN ? My mom did not breastfeed us. Btw, i always hear colostrum is very good for the babies. It contains antibodies for immune protection. Ei, does it contain antibodies to blood type a antigen? I am afraid of antibodies.
Oops, Im just guessing about the reason for my sister's severe jaundice. Btw, my younger brothers is also blood tupe B+.
Oops, Im just guessing about the reason for my sister's severe jaundice. Btw, my younger brothers is also blood tupe B+.
Who believes in ghosts' month?
Who believes in ghost month? Should I schedule c-section on week 33 or week 37? My immunologist does not want me to have c-section later than week 36. My obgyne asked me thrice already to sched for an auspicious date for the c-section.
I am stucked. I feel there is no harm in believing that ghosts' month brings bad luck. But, I feel the baby will end up in incubator if he gets out to early. My womb is still the best incubator. Its free from nosocomial microbes. I dont want to decide as I am fearful of surgery. I leave the decision to my fairy godfather. He requested for a distal femoral ephisys scan.
What are the risks of prematurity? Jaundice... Whatelse?
I am stucked. I feel there is no harm in believing that ghosts' month brings bad luck. But, I feel the baby will end up in incubator if he gets out to early. My womb is still the best incubator. Its free from nosocomial microbes. I dont want to decide as I am fearful of surgery. I leave the decision to my fairy godfather. He requested for a distal femoral ephisys scan.
What are the risks of prematurity? Jaundice... Whatelse?
Saturday, July 18, 2015
So near yet so far
Only 4 or 6 weeks to go to my scheduled c-section. Why I am still reluctant to shop for baby's stuffs? This is not going to be a good news. I have intrauretine growth restriction. I am taking 24 tablets of amino acids already! I need to adjust to 42 tablets. Oh my, I will look like a drug addict! Will see what my obgyne will say after she receives the letter from my fairy godfather. I need my second cycle of betamethasone. Tsk tsk tsk... What would that mean? Ai! So near, yet, I am still far from our target weight.
I am a still afraid. But, I know my friend's son, who was born at week30, has successfully discharged after his five week incubator stay.
I am a still afraid. But, I know my friend's son, who was born at week30, has successfully discharged after his five week incubator stay.
Cant sleep tonight
I am still contemplating the arterial blood gases report of my father-in-law. Unfortunately, it is late. His interment is set tomorrow. Ai... We can't bring back the hands of time. Fairy godfather said he does not recommend increasing oxygen to patients with severe hypoxemia and pneumonia. Ouch... He feels tracheostomy is the best solution.
I really can't sleep. I am itching all over. My liver enzymes are good. Why I just had the itch after I returned home from my fairy godfather's clinic. I just took Benadryl 10 minutes ago. I hope It can help me sleep as well.
I really can't sleep. I am itching all over. My liver enzymes are good. Why I just had the itch after I returned home from my fairy godfather's clinic. I just took Benadryl 10 minutes ago. I hope It can help me sleep as well.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
I am a vampire
I need the following as per my immunologist request:
8 units of platelet
4 units of plasma
2 units of whole blood
Ouch... I feel like a vampire! Yay! Where can I get my donors?
8 units of platelet
4 units of plasma
2 units of whole blood
Ouch... I feel like a vampire! Yay! Where can I get my donors?
6 weeks to go
I am now on my week 28 of my pregnancy. 6 weeks to go before the c-section. I had betamethasone injection last week- to aid the maturation of the baby's lungs. Mixed emotions... I am excited and scared. 6 weeks is like a breeze.I am still afraid to do baby stuff shopping. Luckily, my sister-in-law will hand down their crib. But, I am afraid to accept the delivery for now. What else to buy?
My KCT and ESR are awful. But, I was spared from my supposedly 5th Smoflipid infusion. Wow! Good news... no more Smoflipid. However, my amino acid is now increased to 24 tablets per day. 6 weeks*7 days/week * 24 tablets/day= 1008 tablets. Ouch! My immunologist target weight for the baby is 2.5kg at week 34. This means the baby should have 0.15kg weight gain per week. I feel like I am an 'eating machine' or a 'food vaccuum' or a 'food monster'. I don't know how do I possibly expand my stomach capacity to accommodate more food.
I had itchy itchy skin this week. I am monitoring my blood sugar and I will recheck my bilirubin next week. I hope I dont have gestational diabetes and cholestasis. Speaking of gestational diabetes, ouch,,, I failed OGTT the third time. I thought that rolled oatmeal is good for diabetics. I caused my sugar spike ya!
My KCT and ESR are awful. But, I was spared from my supposedly 5th Smoflipid infusion. Wow! Good news... no more Smoflipid. However, my amino acid is now increased to 24 tablets per day. 6 weeks*7 days/week * 24 tablets/day= 1008 tablets. Ouch! My immunologist target weight for the baby is 2.5kg at week 34. This means the baby should have 0.15kg weight gain per week. I feel like I am an 'eating machine' or a 'food vaccuum' or a 'food monster'. I don't know how do I possibly expand my stomach capacity to accommodate more food.
I had itchy itchy skin this week. I am monitoring my blood sugar and I will recheck my bilirubin next week. I hope I dont have gestational diabetes and cholestasis. Speaking of gestational diabetes, ouch,,, I failed OGTT the third time. I thought that rolled oatmeal is good for diabetics. I caused my sugar spike ya!
Monday, June 22, 2015
25w6d- sketch marks
I feel my tummy got bigger today. I also noticed I begin to have my stretch marks today. I though those were markings from my Transderm Nitro patch. Omg. My navel also got some deformatioms. I just feel it may pop outin no time.
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Hi Son, will you be selfish to me?
I gave my nephew a pack of 5-pc gummy candy. Then, we (uncle, grandma, father, mother, and I) ganged up to ask for our share of candy. It seems to be a tricky scenario ya. Is this a battle of love and loyalty? How to equally share five gummies to 6 people?
The outcome:
Jayden, my nephew, shared gummies to uncle, grandma, father and me. Jayden reasoned out he did not share gummy to his mother because his mother does not like gummy. How did he arrive at that conclusion? Why did he just simply neglect his mother? Why did he give his second to the last gummy to his father and not to his mother?
Is blood really thicker than water? Ouch... Blood! Will my heparin shots and transderm nitro be in vain? Ouch... It is not impossible that my son will not also share is gummies to me in the future.
Hi son, will you be selfish to me?
Saturday, June 20, 2015
my allergies
I just gave a list of my allergy medicines to my obgyne. She was shocked I am allergic to the anesthesia that she commonly use for her patients. Benzocaine, Lidocaine, Tetracaine. I recall I am also allergic to Sulfasalazine.
Initially, I was playing Sherlock Holmes. I told my immunologist that maybe I am not allergic to lidocaine because it does not contain benzoate. Benzocaine, tetracaine and sulfasalazine all contains benzoate. Ehem,.. But I am not allergic to benzoate because it is widely used as food preservative. My immunologist just commented that I need to look at its three dimensional structure. If they are IgE mediated, I will also develop allergy from lidocaine even if it doesn't contain benzoate.
I got scared of the fate of my friend she had her preterm labor. I heard she used magnesium sulfate as the first line of defense for contraction. Ouch... sulfa... sulfate? Ehem... google google... I need to brush up my biochemistry. I am not allergic to celecoxib, therefore I am not allergic to the entire class of sulfonamide. Correct? Having a specific drug allergy means it is not IgE mediated. It is triggered by other immune elements.
My brain was drained after my consult. Hehe, I will discuss those medicines again with my immunologist/allergologist. If my hunch is correct, I am allergic to aniline and azo. I remember I have tried to use an unwashed new cloth. I got allergy from its dye or its preservative. I am also allergic to folmaldehyde, hair dye and detergents, Wah! long list ya.
I guess my new hunch is more logical, benzocaine, tetracaine, lidocaine all contains aniline or aminobenzene. while sulfonamide contains azo.
I suddenly has the fear of anesthesia. Can't I just use propofol and fentanyl? I am scared of allegy. Haha, this reminds me of a hyperventillation once upon a time.
Initially, I was playing Sherlock Holmes. I told my immunologist that maybe I am not allergic to lidocaine because it does not contain benzoate. Benzocaine, tetracaine and sulfasalazine all contains benzoate. Ehem,.. But I am not allergic to benzoate because it is widely used as food preservative. My immunologist just commented that I need to look at its three dimensional structure. If they are IgE mediated, I will also develop allergy from lidocaine even if it doesn't contain benzoate.
I got scared of the fate of my friend she had her preterm labor. I heard she used magnesium sulfate as the first line of defense for contraction. Ouch... sulfa... sulfate? Ehem... google google... I need to brush up my biochemistry. I am not allergic to celecoxib, therefore I am not allergic to the entire class of sulfonamide. Correct? Having a specific drug allergy means it is not IgE mediated. It is triggered by other immune elements.
I guess my new hunch is more logical, benzocaine, tetracaine, lidocaine all contains aniline or aminobenzene. while sulfonamide contains azo.
I suddenly has the fear of anesthesia. Can't I just use propofol and fentanyl? I am scared of allegy. Haha, this reminds me of a hyperventillation once upon a time.
25w4d
I am now 25 weeks and 4 days . I was excited when my obgyne told me in two more weeks I will be starting to inject betamethasone for the the earlier development of the fetal lungs.
I still feel some sort of emptiness. I am still battling with my pessimism and insecurities. I am still reluctant to shop for baby's stuff. At least, I just came up with a baby name. Is week 30 safe enough for me to start my shopping spree?
Dear God,
Pls dont let me cry. I pray for a smooth pregnancy. No contraction pls.
I still feel some sort of emptiness. I am still battling with my pessimism and insecurities. I am still reluctant to shop for baby's stuff. At least, I just came up with a baby name. Is week 30 safe enough for me to start my shopping spree?
Dear God,
Pls dont let me cry. I pray for a smooth pregnancy. No contraction pls.
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Do i have a gestational diabetes?
I dont think I have a gestational diabetes. My hba1c is just 5.3% and my fasting serum insulin is 5.7. Based on my record for the past four days my blood sugar has not exceeded 6.0 mmol/l (108 mg/dL). Was it (self pricking) a torture again from my doctors?
Uhmm... What is next? How can my obgyne explain the large abdominal circumference of my fetus? Btw, i have just discontinued prednisone this week.
Uhmm... What is next? How can my obgyne explain the large abdominal circumference of my fetus? Btw, i have just discontinued prednisone this week.
Monday, June 8, 2015
23w5d- scratch scatch scratch and gestational diabetes
I went to my obgyne this morning. She said I have gestational diabetes. I need to see an endocrinologist for my insulin shots. She does not want me to use metformin anymore before my sgpt is 86 already.
I was caught scratching by my immunologist tonight. Ouch, it maybe a cholestasis. Will have my blood tested tomorrow. He also gave me a worksheet for my blood sugar testing. He said 100g OGTT sometimes causes a false positive result. If my blood sugar is good, I dont have to use insulin throughout my pregnancy. He fears Somogyi effect.
I was caught scratching by my immunologist tonight. Ouch, it maybe a cholestasis. Will have my blood tested tomorrow. He also gave me a worksheet for my blood sugar testing. He said 100g OGTT sometimes causes a false positive result. If my blood sugar is good, I dont have to use insulin throughout my pregnancy. He fears Somogyi effect.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Week 22- CAS findings
I went to see a perinatologist tonight for doppler and congenital anomaly scan. I was very happy to learn that my fetus is perfectly fine- no soft marker for chromosomal abnormalities. Nuchal fold is good. Fetal development is great. The only catch is nuchal cord coil.
What if he creates another loop instead of untangling? Ouch... My fate. I did my best but nuchal cord coil is beyond my control.
Dear god,
I pray for safe pregnancy and happy, healthy and intelligent baby. I surrender to my fate.
Dear baby,
Please enjoy your moments in my womb. I hope that we have a yuanfen. And we are destined to be mother and son? I wish to show you the beauty of our world. I surrender to my fate.
Dear husband,
Can you imagine how painful are the heparin shots? 1 have consumed more than 300 shots already. We are almost there... It is difficult to contemplate any loss. Huhuhu.
What if he creates another loop instead of untangling? Ouch... My fate. I did my best but nuchal cord coil is beyond my control.
Dear god,
I pray for safe pregnancy and happy, healthy and intelligent baby. I surrender to my fate.
Dear baby,
Please enjoy your moments in my womb. I hope that we have a yuanfen. And we are destined to be mother and son? I wish to show you the beauty of our world. I surrender to my fate.
Dear husband,
Can you imagine how painful are the heparin shots? 1 have consumed more than 300 shots already. We are almost there... It is difficult to contemplate any loss. Huhuhu.
Monday, May 18, 2015
I accidentally ate a black list food
My husband brought me fish steak, shrimp and etc... Those were special delivery from my niece's party. Not bad! The salmon has a citrus scent and... it was really yummy to a starving mommy. When I started to feel satiated, I discovered the my 'salmon steak' is white. It does not even taste like salmon. Oh my god, that is in the pregnancy black list. Later, I discovered it was a blue marlin.
I have been very careful with my food- specially on fishes in the past. I refused to eat tuna, mackerel. Ouch! Marlin's mercury content is even higher. To what extent could it harm my unborn child? Could it cause severe nerve damage, autism or cerebral palsy.
I am 21st week tomorrow. I have congenital anomaly scan on the 22nd week. Could the mercury cause severe inflammation to my baby's brain? Has anyone eaten swordfish, shark or high mercury fish during their pregnancy?
Unfortunately, the mercury toxicity can't be undone. Is this my so called 'karma'? Huhuhu
I have been very careful with my food- specially on fishes in the past. I refused to eat tuna, mackerel. Ouch! Marlin's mercury content is even higher. To what extent could it harm my unborn child? Could it cause severe nerve damage, autism or cerebral palsy.
I am 21st week tomorrow. I have congenital anomaly scan on the 22nd week. Could the mercury cause severe inflammation to my baby's brain? Has anyone eaten swordfish, shark or high mercury fish during their pregnancy?
Unfortunately, the mercury toxicity can't be undone. Is this my so called 'karma'? Huhuhu
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Can i acquire cancer through lymphocyte immunization therapy?
Happy mother's day to all mom out there. I envy people who get pregnant and successfully deliver healthy babies spontaneously.
My pregnancy is really a challenge! I just had my third Smoflipid infusion the other day because I had an inflammed placenta. I heard a devastating news yesterday- one of my blood donor got sick. She suffered from unexplained bruises around her knees. Ouch...what could be the cause- leukemia or itp?
Oh my god! Let me google whether leukemia can be acquired through blood transfusion. According to the web, cancer cant be acquired through blood transfusion. It sounds funny, because cancer patients are not capable of donating blood. Another reason is the recipient immune system will be able to fight off the cancer cells. Oops... But I am taking Imuran- a strong immune suppressant used by kidney transplant paitients to prevent donor kidney rejection.
Another question... Is leukemia caused by retrovirus? Yep, it maybe caused by human t-lymphotropic virus. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_T-lymphotropic_virus
I hate blood products. Ivig provides alternative to LIT. But, it also poses the risk of viral infection and prions. I am pathetic. Is this what a product of my stupidity or my leap of faith? My friends were safe with LIT and Ivig. Huhu... Not me. I pray my donor doesnt have leukemia. What can her diagnosis be? Either ways, it is scary. If she has idiopathic thrombocytopenia purpura... Anti-platelet antibody what will be my platelet count next week.? I guess I may cry when I consult my fairy godfather (immunologist).
Another question... Is leukemia caused by retrovirus? Yep, it maybe caused by human t-lymphotropic virus. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_T-lymphotropic_virus
I hate blood products. Ivig provides alternative to LIT. But, it also poses the risk of viral infection and prions. I am pathetic. Is this what a product of my stupidity or my leap of faith? My friends were safe with LIT and Ivig. Huhu... Not me. I pray my donor doesnt have leukemia. What can her diagnosis be? Either ways, it is scary. If she has idiopathic thrombocytopenia purpura... Anti-platelet antibody what will be my platelet count next week.? I guess I may cry when I consult my fairy godfather (immunologist).
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Stubborness and LIT
I am not proud to admit that I am stubborn. I may try ivf without LIT. I am thankful that I went to the right doctor. Instead of challenging me, he said he believe I can get pregnant. But, his main concern was any damage to the placenta is irrepairable. Now, I understand he was referring to the placenta aging or grading. Hehe, should he insist about the DQ-alpha, HLA- matching thing... I guess I will never follow his advise. I may have tried ivf right away.
I hope the upcoming LIT will be my last. After letting him cast a magical pregnancy spell on me, I am still skeptical about LIT.
I am taking Imuran and prednisone. These shut down my immune system. What if...
1. My blood donor is in the incubatory period of chickenpox? I believe I have varicella igg, can immune suppresion lower my varicella igg titer? Can the varicella virus successfully penetrate the placenta? Can re exposure to varicella virus cause chickenpox reinfection?
2. White blood cell contains IgE that is responsible for triggering allergic reaction to food, pollen and etc. What if I became allergic to fish or soya! Haha, acquired food allergic. Oh my god, will this jeopardize my 1 L soya and 0.5 kg tofu diet? Ouch... No source of phospholipid ya! Ouch again... Soya based anesthesia will kill me. :(
3. What if my donor has ANA, or anti thyroid antibody? I may acquire this antibody ya! Oh my god.
Now, am I still ready for LIT? Huhu... No blood donors yet.
I hope the upcoming LIT will be my last. After letting him cast a magical pregnancy spell on me, I am still skeptical about LIT.
I am taking Imuran and prednisone. These shut down my immune system. What if...
1. My blood donor is in the incubatory period of chickenpox? I believe I have varicella igg, can immune suppresion lower my varicella igg titer? Can the varicella virus successfully penetrate the placenta? Can re exposure to varicella virus cause chickenpox reinfection?
2. White blood cell contains IgE that is responsible for triggering allergic reaction to food, pollen and etc. What if I became allergic to fish or soya! Haha, acquired food allergic. Oh my god, will this jeopardize my 1 L soya and 0.5 kg tofu diet? Ouch... No source of phospholipid ya! Ouch again... Soya based anesthesia will kill me. :(
3. What if my donor has ANA, or anti thyroid antibody? I may acquire this antibody ya! Oh my god.
Now, am I still ready for LIT? Huhu... No blood donors yet.
Its a boy
It sounds funny from week 10-11, it was a boy because of the triangular thing in its genital area. But on week 12, the doctor said its a girl. She showed me the slit and two tiny balls. She then asked me to wait and see. It was too early to comment. But on week 16, she said she saw the scrotum! Its a boy!
Wahaha... It is more challenging to treat my immune system if I were carrying a boy. I was a bit shocked when she asked me to see a perinatologist on week 18-19. I thought something might be wrong. Because her request was a week earlier than my intended date. This brings me to doubt on the BPD (biparietal diameter) vs FL (femur length). Grrr... I cant help but to check the mean proportion of FL/BPD ratio. Ouch... I want to relax. I don't want to think too much.
Wahaha... It is more challenging to treat my immune system if I were carrying a boy. I was a bit shocked when she asked me to see a perinatologist on week 18-19. I thought something might be wrong. Because her request was a week earlier than my intended date. This brings me to doubt on the BPD (biparietal diameter) vs FL (femur length). Grrr... I cant help but to check the mean proportion of FL/BPD ratio. Ouch... I want to relax. I don't want to think too much.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
9th LIT
I am looking forward for my 9th LIT on week 18 of my pregnancy. I hope this will be the last LIT ever. Was it too early? I just have the hunch that I will still have LIT on my week 22.
I am afraid of blood. Red is never my favorite color!
I am afraid of blood. Red is never my favorite color!
My second Smoflipid infusion
I hope this is my last Smoflipid infusion. It was really painful compared to the first infusion. Perhaps, my vein became brittle with steroids or heparin. I had intravenous back flow on the left hand. Ouch... Then, I had intravenous injection on the right hand. Luckily, the infusion was about to be over when I had an intense pain on the right hand. I was not able to hold back my tears.
I hope I learned my lesson. I should take soya milk and tofu even when I detest its taste. Grrr... I feel squeamish. Yuck!
Friday, April 3, 2015
Incidental hypertension?
I was awakened by headache again this morning. My crappy blood pressure monitor is having error in the early morning. Grrr... But the earliest blood pressure in the morning were 166/114 (today) and 161/103 (yesterday). Throughout the day it seems normal 123/65 to 108/56. Crazy blood pressure. Can people get hypertension in the morning only?
I will closely check my blood pressure when my new blood pressure monitor arrives. Oh... There is such thing as morning hypertension. Does hypertension cause black eye?
http://www.pharmacytimes.com/publications/issue/2007/2007-04/2007-04-6392
I will closely check my blood pressure when my new blood pressure monitor arrives. Oh... There is such thing as morning hypertension. Does hypertension cause black eye?
http://www.pharmacytimes.com/publications/issue/2007/2007-04/2007-04-6392
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Black eye
I woke up last Saturday with a black eye. Until now, I can't recall that I have hit my eye. I suspected My unfractioned heparin as the culprit. I asked my obstetrician whether I can reduced the dosage of my heparin or not. She changed my medicine to low molecular weight heparin. Clexane needle is quite coarse. It is painful when injected. I feel the radiating pain on the injection site, wahaha up to my pockets. Ouch... expensive.
Is heparin really the culprit? If i am very prone to bleeding and hemorrhage, why my bruise is on my upper eye lid only? I don't have any other bruise in my body except the one on my right knee. I bumped into something... I forgot where but there is an evidence of scratch on my skin. My stool color is ok.
Blood clots and blood vessel breakage is scary. Is phlebolith considered as blood clot? My pelvic xray decade ago revealed a phlebolith. The xray film was missing. But, I remember I asked my rheumatologist why my vein is torn apart. Those heart bypass patients also get graft from their leg vein. Nothing to worry about phlebolith. I am just curious to know whether it has correlation to my antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. I guess there is. But, can it cause veins to tear apart? Or the idea that my veins were torn apart is just a product of my imagination?
So, what caused my black eye?
So, what caused my black eye?
I miss my immunologist.
Monday, March 23, 2015
polyp cautery again
I went to my obstetrician today. I told her that I guess my polyp had burst or twisted off. I have filled one napkin. The blood flow is similar to that of menstruation day 1. She inserted a speculum and said she has a good news and a bad news. The good news is the polyp became small. And the bad news is ... is polyp causing my bleeding? Maybe there is subchorionic bleeding.
She did not pluck the polyp. She just cut it off then did a chemical cautery. The remaining polyp was too small to be biopsied. I wish she cut the polyp a week ago and requested a biopsy. Whatever...
I waited the bad news with suspense. Luckily, the ultrasound was good. The bleeding is caused by the polyp. she said everything is fine. According to the ultrasound report, the heart rate is 150. Three days ago it was 171 bpm. I am hesistant to call her just to ask about the heart rate. Meanwhile, I just google googled. ^.^ I also have anterior placent. What the heck is that? Grrr...
I went to grocery tonight. Shh...
She did not pluck the polyp. She just cut it off then did a chemical cautery. The remaining polyp was too small to be biopsied. I wish she cut the polyp a week ago and requested a biopsy. Whatever...
I waited the bad news with suspense. Luckily, the ultrasound was good. The bleeding is caused by the polyp. she said everything is fine. According to the ultrasound report, the heart rate is 150. Three days ago it was 171 bpm. I am hesistant to call her just to ask about the heart rate. Meanwhile, I just google googled. ^.^ I also have anterior placent. What the heck is that? Grrr...
I went to grocery tonight. Shh...
Sunday, March 22, 2015
im bleeding
Grrr... Am I a victim clumsy obstetrician? She did not check my polyp last Friday. I noticed fresh blood stain on the tissue paper as I wiped my genitals about 10 pm on Sunday. An hour later, my panty was soaked with blood. Oh my god! Do I need to go to the hospital? I was thinking that my polyp was torn. I am still on blood thinner maybe that had worsen the bleeding.
What shall I do in the hospital? I can imagine a bunch of funny residents attending to my emergency needs. Ouch! Those bunch of people do not even know how to use a thermometer! Huhu... my previous blog. If I go to the hospital, I will be a helpless victim. What is my position to argue that I don't want electric cautery? I feel I am safer at home. I feel I just need a topical blood clotting agent to apply on my polyp wound. I guess the bleeding does not jeopardize the fetus.
I pray my hunch is correct. If in a hour my napkin gets soaked with blood, I will rush to the hospital.
What shall I do in the hospital? I can imagine a bunch of funny residents attending to my emergency needs. Ouch! Those bunch of people do not even know how to use a thermometer! Huhu... my previous blog. If I go to the hospital, I will be a helpless victim. What is my position to argue that I don't want electric cautery? I feel I am safer at home. I feel I just need a topical blood clotting agent to apply on my polyp wound. I guess the bleeding does not jeopardize the fetus.
I pray my hunch is correct. If in a hour my napkin gets soaked with blood, I will rush to the hospital.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
It is a girl, perhaps
Today is 12w5 d.
My husband was very happy after learning the first unofficial gender announcement. Wahaha... It is a girl. It is too early to tell. My obstetrician showed me the structure. It looks like a female genitals. So far so good. My placenta thickness is also normal.
Do I want a girl or a boy? Ehem... I still prefer a girl because of ankylosing spondylitis concerns. Come what may,
My husband was very happy after learning the first unofficial gender announcement. Wahaha... It is a girl. It is too early to tell. My obstetrician showed me the structure. It looks like a female genitals. So far so good. My placenta thickness is also normal.
Do I want a girl or a boy? Ehem... I still prefer a girl because of ankylosing spondylitis concerns. Come what may,
Monday, March 16, 2015
ignorance is bliss
I woke up at 2:30 am and I can't fall back to sleep. Was it because of steriod? I mistakenly swapped morning and evening medicines. Prednisone must not be taken in the evening otherwise it can cause insomnia. I was thinking last night whether should I take that dose or simply skip it.
Ignorance is a bliss. Had I know nothing about Prenetics Verifi, I guess I will not be under such stress. Perhaps the true reason for my insomnia was I feel I was restricted. I wish to go to Hong Kong for such blood test but my obstetrician refused to let me fly. I just feel I have a deadline to beat ... shh... I need to go to Hong Kong to tighten up my loose screws, otherwise I am getting crazy!
I just wonder does any couple think of chromosome abnormality before making love? Back in my mind I still think IVF is technology vs nature. Do I really have the blessing from god? I hope prayers do help! Think positive! I pray that the first karyotype study of my husband was just a lab error.
Dear God,
Please grant us a happy healthy and intelligent baby.
Ignorance is a bliss. Had I know nothing about Prenetics Verifi, I guess I will not be under such stress. Perhaps the true reason for my insomnia was I feel I was restricted. I wish to go to Hong Kong for such blood test but my obstetrician refused to let me fly. I just feel I have a deadline to beat ... shh... I need to go to Hong Kong to tighten up my loose screws, otherwise I am getting crazy!
I just wonder does any couple think of chromosome abnormality before making love? Back in my mind I still think IVF is technology vs nature. Do I really have the blessing from god? I hope prayers do help! Think positive! I pray that the first karyotype study of my husband was just a lab error.
Dear God,
Please grant us a happy healthy and intelligent baby.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Home Sweet Home
When it rains, it floods. When it floods, did it rain? Maybe the fire hydrant nearby had just burst causing the flooding. Just kidding...
When there is swelling, there must be an inflammation. My placenta thickens. It is an indication of inflammation. He said my antiphospholipid antibody is attacking the placenta. My KCT is 130 and my DRVVT is 40.
My 7 liters soya milk and 3.5 kilograms of bean curd last week was not effective ya. I ended up with Smoflipid infusion shortly after the consultation with my immunologist last night. I just got home 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When there is swelling, there must be an inflammation. My placenta thickens. It is an indication of inflammation. He said my antiphospholipid antibody is attacking the placenta. My KCT is 130 and my DRVVT is 40.
My 7 liters soya milk and 3.5 kilograms of bean curd last week was not effective ya. I ended up with Smoflipid infusion shortly after the consultation with my immunologist last night. I just got home 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The culprit of my spotting- polyp
I regret lifting the vacuum cleaner. I regret vacuuming my bed. I thought this caused the spotting. Shh... my secret. I dare not to send her message or to call her. I am not playing with reason yah! Her strict instruction was: stay at home. But, I never remembered that she mentioned "bed rest."
She went abroad for seven days. Part of me wanted to consult another obgyne, part of me wanted to consult her reliever and other part of me wanted to wait for her. I am indecisive. I just had an ultrasound last Friday, Why should I have another ultrasound in 3 days? I know she dislikes very frequent ultrasound. Was there still a heartbeat? What can I do when there is no more heartbeat? I believe it is quite safe. I decided to wait til she comes back. In the events of painful cramps, I am prepared to go to the emergency room.
After the 7 days wait, I finally got to see her this morning. I have a 2.5 cm long cervical polyp and it was dangling. She showed it to my husband. She just did a chemical cautery. The ultrasound was great. I told her I want to go to Hong Kong for blood test. She said she will not allow me to fly. She then told my husband that she wanted to scold me. Hehe, are we friends yet? I wasnt scolded. Hehe, her first time to meet my husband. Shhh... she was quite finness today. She said nothing to worry about the reciprocal translocation, The nuchal translucency is OK. I take her word for it. Gee... learning hard to trust!
She went abroad for seven days. Part of me wanted to consult another obgyne, part of me wanted to consult her reliever and other part of me wanted to wait for her. I am indecisive. I just had an ultrasound last Friday, Why should I have another ultrasound in 3 days? I know she dislikes very frequent ultrasound. Was there still a heartbeat? What can I do when there is no more heartbeat? I believe it is quite safe. I decided to wait til she comes back. In the events of painful cramps, I am prepared to go to the emergency room.
After the 7 days wait, I finally got to see her this morning. I have a 2.5 cm long cervical polyp and it was dangling. She showed it to my husband. She just did a chemical cautery. The ultrasound was great. I told her I want to go to Hong Kong for blood test. She said she will not allow me to fly. She then told my husband that she wanted to scold me. Hehe, are we friends yet? I wasnt scolded. Hehe, her first time to meet my husband. Shhh... she was quite finness today. She said nothing to worry about the reciprocal translocation, The nuchal translucency is OK. I take her word for it. Gee... learning hard to trust!
I should choose to be happy and carefree.
Life is a matter of choice. Either I choose to be happy or I choose worry. Worrying is tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts. Oopss... did my disturbing thoughts happen already? It seems worrying is integrated to my brain waves. This brings me the memoir of my father: planning, scheduling and decision making I always get scolded when I was younger because I have puny in this aspect.
I just feel worrying is part of my planning activity. Questions like:
- What if I have failed implantation, what shall I do next? Should I do a PGD?
- What if my fetus has genetic abnormality, what shall I do next?
- In the event of miscarriage, what shall I do next?
I often see expectant parents so happy scheduling their 20th week ultrasound- for gender detection or happily scheduling their 4D ultrasound for album and keepsake. I look at my 20th week ultrasound as a scary ultrasound- congenital anomaly scan. When should I schedule my congenital anomaly scan? Can it be one or two weeks earlier? This is to give way for the amniocentesis in the event of doubt. I have a deadline to beat- 24th week. It is unlawful to do abortion after 24th week of pregnancy in Hong Kong. I need to book my ivf doctor.
Grrr... why am I thinking too much? After all, pregnancy is a gift of God. Sad to say, back in my mind: there is a little battle between technology and nature. I should choose to be happy and carefree.
Dear God,
Thank you for this pregnancy.
Sleepless again- nipt
I was insomniac since last Sunday. Was caused by hormonal imbalance? Or was a result of my chromosome worries. I am afraid that I will be exceeding the allowable time frame for the first trimester Down Syndrome screening. Based on my inquires to few labs here, PAPP-A is not available in the Philippines. I was interested to book the biochemical screening for Down Syndrome + NT scan in Hong Kong. But, since I am spotting, I am not fit to travel. Ouch... the thought of my husband's first karyotype study was seriously bugging me.
Fortunately, there is a test that checks the fetal chromosome from the maternal blood stream. http://prenetics.com/expecting-parents/overview/ There are many biotech companies offering such service. Wow! I salute to technology!
Unfortunately, no such facility exist in Manila. Hong Kong was my only hope. I called the nurse where I did my ivf. I was trying my best to convince them that I want to courier my blood without going to Hong Kong.
What if I just do a phone in consultation? When should I go to HK? I am not certain when can I go to HK? What week will my immune system be least active? What if only my husband shows up in the consultation with my ivf doctor? And he carries with him my blood samples? If they give me the packing specifications for blood, I am 100% confident that we can send my blood via courier without problem, I occasionally would send out my blood to Chicago for immune testing. What is nuchal transluceny? If the fluid level on the nape of my fetus is low, should I still take the Verifi blood test?
If I go to HK and have the Verifi test, only to find out my spotting is not good... Ouch! what is the cause of my spotting?
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Im still spotting
I am still spotting as of now. Poor me! I was thinking what will be my next move in the event of miscarriage. Should I try another round of FET? Can I do a tropechtoderm biopsy on my blastocysts? Thaw, freeze and re-thaw later?
I was thinking on how to convince my ivf doctor to do surrogacy. Under what circumstance is it allowed in Hong Kong? My mad brain was at work, I can't sleep. I fell asleep only after I successfully emailed him my surrogacy inquiry. It was 5 am already when I check the clock. If I have terrible sacroiliac joint pain and acute anterior uveitis during pregnancy are these sufficient ground for surrogacy?
Lately, I can feel my tail bone -my coccyx or perhaps my sacroiliac joints. It is not painful but I would rate it 0.5 in a scale of 10. My right knee 2/10 pain level. I am scared of having uveitis also. Knock on woods... I never had bilateral uveitis but that scenario is also possible. I will be temporarily blind. Oh my god, have mercy ob me!
Huhu.. My worse fear is blindness. Where did I inherit this HLA-B27 gene anyway? I don't have any cousin, siblings, uncle, aunt, parents having spondyloarthropathy. Ei... It sounds like I detest my genes yah! My kid will also hate me for such. Ouch! If I am destined to be his/her mom, welcome... If not... Ai... I accept my defeat this round. Should I try next round or forgo?
Btw, spotting during pregnancy is common according to many forums. http://www.fitpregnancy.com/pregnancy/labor-delivery/ask-labor-nurse/discharge-worry-and-reassurance
Anti surrogacy act of the Philippines http://www.senate.gov.ph/lisdata/54884531!.pdf
I was thinking on how to convince my ivf doctor to do surrogacy. Under what circumstance is it allowed in Hong Kong? My mad brain was at work, I can't sleep. I fell asleep only after I successfully emailed him my surrogacy inquiry. It was 5 am already when I check the clock. If I have terrible sacroiliac joint pain and acute anterior uveitis during pregnancy are these sufficient ground for surrogacy?
Lately, I can feel my tail bone -my coccyx or perhaps my sacroiliac joints. It is not painful but I would rate it 0.5 in a scale of 10. My right knee 2/10 pain level. I am scared of having uveitis also. Knock on woods... I never had bilateral uveitis but that scenario is also possible. I will be temporarily blind. Oh my god, have mercy ob me!
Huhu.. My worse fear is blindness. Where did I inherit this HLA-B27 gene anyway? I don't have any cousin, siblings, uncle, aunt, parents having spondyloarthropathy. Ei... It sounds like I detest my genes yah! My kid will also hate me for such. Ouch! If I am destined to be his/her mom, welcome... If not... Ai... I accept my defeat this round. Should I try next round or forgo?
Btw, spotting during pregnancy is common according to many forums. http://www.fitpregnancy.com/pregnancy/labor-delivery/ask-labor-nurse/discharge-worry-and-reassurance
Anti surrogacy act of the Philippines http://www.senate.gov.ph/lisdata/54884531!.pdf
Friday, March 6, 2015
My funny anti neupogen sentiment
Ehem... my funny anti-neupogen sentiment on my previous posts. According to WSJ, FDA has approved the first biosimilar drug of Neupogen- Zarxio. Wow! Neupogen must be a great deug yah!
http://www.wsj.com/articles/fda-approves-first-biosimilar-drug-1425651840?mod=djemalertNEWS
http://www.wsj.com/articles/fda-approves-first-biosimilar-drug-1425651840?mod=djemalertNEWS
What if...
What if I dont deserve to have a baby because I have ankylosing spondylitis? Who set the standards? I just imagined Hitler.
What if my parents did a PGD on me? I guess I will not be born in this world. Should I accept life as a package deal? Should I hate my fate because I have autoimmune disorder?
What if I did a PGD on my embryos and eventually all embryos are HLA-B27 positive? PGD is legal in Hong Kong but not in the Philippines. To the Catholic, life starts at embryo stage. Do I have the right to discard all the embryo?
What if I discarded the seropositive HLA-B27 embryos, but the babies are destined to be asymptomatic throughout their adulthood?
What if my spotting this afternoon is a sign of impending miscarriage? Ai.. I just went to see my obgyne this morning, everything was perfectly fine. This makes me think... what if my baby does not deserve to inherit the HLA-B27 gene?
What if my son has ankylosing spondylitis? Should he thank me for bringing him to this world? Should he detest me for my genes? Am I selfish?
I just believe pregnancy is God's will. I just tried my best to get pregnant and sustain the pregnancy. Come what may. I pray for a miracle.
What if my parents did a PGD on me? I guess I will not be born in this world. Should I accept life as a package deal? Should I hate my fate because I have autoimmune disorder?
What if I did a PGD on my embryos and eventually all embryos are HLA-B27 positive? PGD is legal in Hong Kong but not in the Philippines. To the Catholic, life starts at embryo stage. Do I have the right to discard all the embryo?
What if I discarded the seropositive HLA-B27 embryos, but the babies are destined to be asymptomatic throughout their adulthood?
What if my spotting this afternoon is a sign of impending miscarriage? Ai.. I just went to see my obgyne this morning, everything was perfectly fine. This makes me think... what if my baby does not deserve to inherit the HLA-B27 gene?
What if my son has ankylosing spondylitis? Should he thank me for bringing him to this world? Should he detest me for my genes? Am I selfish?
I just believe pregnancy is God's will. I just tried my best to get pregnant and sustain the pregnancy. Come what may. I pray for a miracle.
I want to cry
I felt cramps this afternoon while washing my dishes. To my surprise ths evening, there is three inch long brown discharge on my panty.
Hey baby, are you still alive?
Hey baby, are you still alive?
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Chances are: it is a boy
It is my joy to see him alive and kicking. The umbilical cord is also formed. I am now 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It is too early to tell the gender. But, my obgyne showed me the triangular thing in the private part of the fetus. She said perhaps it is a boy. She will confirm later on. She told me to do hla-b27 screening when the baby is born.
Ouch, this reminds me that ankylosing spondylitis symptoms are more pronounced in male than in female. I hope ankylosing spondylitis does not affect his outlook in life. In the past, my immunologist initially thought that my husband has ankylosing spondylitis. I corrected him and he said ankylosing spondylitis also causes erectile dysfunction. Hmmm... Is it true? Nothing can be undone!
Am I selfish? It depends on the viewer's perspective. I did not do PGD. My conscience is clear the law of nature applies. Is ankylosing spondylitis a sufficient ground for me not to have a baby? Actually, I prefer a girl because of lesser AS symptoms. Hmmm... Should I consider another baby? Hehe... Now, I sound greedy.
Ouch, this reminds me that ankylosing spondylitis symptoms are more pronounced in male than in female. I hope ankylosing spondylitis does not affect his outlook in life. In the past, my immunologist initially thought that my husband has ankylosing spondylitis. I corrected him and he said ankylosing spondylitis also causes erectile dysfunction. Hmmm... Is it true? Nothing can be undone!
Am I selfish? It depends on the viewer's perspective. I did not do PGD. My conscience is clear the law of nature applies. Is ankylosing spondylitis a sufficient ground for me not to have a baby? Actually, I prefer a girl because of lesser AS symptoms. Hmmm... Should I consider another baby? Hehe... Now, I sound greedy.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Im still safe
I am still safe! No need to have Smoflipid and Ivig yet. I complained feeling squimish about soya. I still have a long way to go. I still need to drink about 182 liters of soya milk and eat 91 kg of tofu.
My immunologist complained my albumin dropped. Ouch! Would that mean 360 pcs of chicken eggs? I am feeling nauseous on eggs also.
Whenever my doctor ask do I throw up, is my appetite good? I always reply: my appetite is good. Whenever he reminds me of soya and egg, I always complain nauseous. Haha, maybe it is just my psychology.
My immunologist complained my albumin dropped. Ouch! Would that mean 360 pcs of chicken eggs? I am feeling nauseous on eggs also.
Whenever my doctor ask do I throw up, is my appetite good? I always reply: my appetite is good. Whenever he reminds me of soya and egg, I always complain nauseous. Haha, maybe it is just my psychology.
Monday, March 2, 2015
my yoyo blood results
My immune system is unpredictable. I thought I will be safe throughout. I am so depressed.
(lupus anti-coagulants)
kct feb11- 75; feb16- 80; feb 25- 110.
esr- 43; 27 and 50.
Who will not doubt that I am playing with my medicines? Maybe I am reducing my dose. Did I? I thought I am brave but nowadays I feel coward to inject Heparin. I am afraid of needle. Ai... No choice! I hope I will not be scolded by my obgyne again.
I miss my immunologist- he cancelled his clinic last week.
I miss my immunologist- he cancelled his clinic last week.
Hi baby, are you still there? I cant wait to see you on my next ultrasound. Wave to me ya! Life is full of uncertainity. I met a fellow patient who had miscarriage on her 24th week. It was a twins. What went wrong? Immunologist said not immune related. Obgyne blamed her immune system. I pray for a healthy and intelligent baby. I pray for my health.
I felt squimish with soya milk already. But, I still try my best to drink it. I will have my late night dessert- cold sweeten soy bean curd now. Bye.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Paleo diet on soya
Have anyone heard of The Paleo diet? http://thepaleodiet.com/
I occasionally drink miso soup. I never eat bean curd and drink soy milk for more than four years already. I suspected soya as the cause of my occasional arthritis and tendinitis. My last arthritis was in 2008 or 2009, I guess. I had drink soya milk in Shanghai. The next day my tendon was aching. I can hardly walk in the trade fair. It maybe just a coincidence but then I avoided soya since then. It has nothing to do with the Paleo diet! I don't know Paleo back then.
According to the Paleo's diet, people with autoimmune disorder should avoid soy products (grains, legumes, etc...) Because they tend to have leaky gut. Soy contains lectin, agglutinins and prolamins. It inhibits digestive enzyme production (ie. protease). Therefore these protein fragments not only travel through the digestive tract but they are also able to cross the gut barrier and cause leaky gut. This then causes gut dysbiosis. It may cause the over growth of Klebsiella. People with acute uveitis have high titer of anti-klebsiella antibody. Klebsiella is touted to cause inflammation via molecular mimicry with HLA-B27. Well said!
To my immunologist, HLA-B27 is just a statistics. Nothing more, nothing less. Since I don't have uric acid, my immunologist wants me to eat more soya because I have antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. Soya contains phospholipid. ^.^ Ai... Paleo.
I occasionally drink miso soup. I never eat bean curd and drink soy milk for more than four years already. I suspected soya as the cause of my occasional arthritis and tendinitis. My last arthritis was in 2008 or 2009, I guess. I had drink soya milk in Shanghai. The next day my tendon was aching. I can hardly walk in the trade fair. It maybe just a coincidence but then I avoided soya since then. It has nothing to do with the Paleo diet! I don't know Paleo back then.
According to the Paleo's diet, people with autoimmune disorder should avoid soy products (grains, legumes, etc...) Because they tend to have leaky gut. Soy contains lectin, agglutinins and prolamins. It inhibits digestive enzyme production (ie. protease). Therefore these protein fragments not only travel through the digestive tract but they are also able to cross the gut barrier and cause leaky gut. This then causes gut dysbiosis. It may cause the over growth of Klebsiella. People with acute uveitis have high titer of anti-klebsiella antibody. Klebsiella is touted to cause inflammation via molecular mimicry with HLA-B27. Well said!
To my immunologist, HLA-B27 is just a statistics. Nothing more, nothing less. Since I don't have uric acid, my immunologist wants me to eat more soya because I have antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. Soya contains phospholipid. ^.^ Ai... Paleo.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
My dream
I had a dream last night. I was stucked between the chair and the wall. The chair is pushing my tummy. Ouch! When I woke up, I felt the pressure on my tummy. Feeling big tummy yah! There is no significance increase of my tummy size. It was just an illusion. I have panty stain again- light brown or orange, when I woke up. I also don't want to consult my obgyne again for the discharge. Otherwise, this will be my third false alarm.
Hey, baby hang on. If this pregnancy fails, I give up. Sorry, I may pass my ankylosing spondylitis to you. But, I pray that you never inherit that gene or if you do I pray you will be asymptomatic.
HLA-B27 is a autosomal dominant gene. No wonder the Taichung doctor wants to discard all embryo containing such gene. Ouch!
http://ard.bmj.com/content/16/3/334.full.pdf
Hey, baby hang on. If this pregnancy fails, I give up. Sorry, I may pass my ankylosing spondylitis to you. But, I pray that you never inherit that gene or if you do I pray you will be asymptomatic.
HLA-B27 is a autosomal dominant gene. No wonder the Taichung doctor wants to discard all embryo containing such gene. Ouch!
http://ard.bmj.com/content/16/3/334.full.pdf
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
9w1d
I went to my gynecologist. She said my gestational sac is good. I tried to clarify her comment last week. She said My gestational sac and fluid is good.
Ai! Dual personality ya.
gestational sac- 3.79 cm (9 weeks 1 day)
Yolk sac- 0.47 cm
crl- 2.27 cm （9 weeks)
Fhr- 167 bpm
I see the movement. It seems like it is moving its arms. Cool! I just feel today that there is life.
I guess she quarreled with me because she doubted my progesterone intake. Her normal practice is if the patient's progesterone reached 60 ng/mL, she does not monitor the progesterone level throughout the entire pregnancy anymore. But with my case, my progesterone level was fluctuation 52.58， 57, 38.8, 23.5, 55.5 and 20.1. She just commended my immunologist is intelligent. Maybe I have an anti-progesterone antibody.
Ai! Dual personality ya.
gestational sac- 3.79 cm (9 weeks 1 day)
Yolk sac- 0.47 cm
crl- 2.27 cm （9 weeks)
Fhr- 167 bpm
I see the movement. It seems like it is moving its arms. Cool! I just feel today that there is life.
I guess she quarreled with me because she doubted my progesterone intake. Her normal practice is if the patient's progesterone reached 60 ng/mL, she does not monitor the progesterone level throughout the entire pregnancy anymore. But with my case, my progesterone level was fluctuation 52.58， 57, 38.8, 23.5, 55.5 and 20.1. She just commended my immunologist is intelligent. Maybe I have an anti-progesterone antibody.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Smeagol
I am not a fan of The Lord of the Rings. But, I met Smeagol upclose and personal! When Smeagol touches the ultrasound probe, 'She' will quickly turn into Gollum. Dual personality ya! Shhh... Peace! I love Smeagol!
I went to Smeagol's clinic yesterday because I complain of orange discharge. I am lucky, she only used a speculum- no ultrasound! I saw he nice side of Smeagol. Tomorrow is my scheduled ultrasound scan. Let us see if she will transform into Gollum or not.
I hate Gollum! Gollum told me: ultrasound never lies. Her job is to interpret the ultrasound findings to me. This is my gestational sac and there is no fluid inside. I will have miscarriage soon. I guess I did not made any foul comment. I just replied: ah, that means this is not a viable pregnancy. Ouch... I got a lengthy sermon afterwards. What have made her angry- is it my ugly ESR? Why am I always a victim of her unpredictable mood?
I told Gollum's staff that I am giving up. I was thinking whether to continue or discontinue my immunologic treatment. I guess her staff had told her. She was kind to me yesterday. Perhaps her conscience was bothering her. Should I still clarify the fluid hoax? I am still curious.
I went to Smeagol's clinic yesterday because I complain of orange discharge. I am lucky, she only used a speculum- no ultrasound! I saw he nice side of Smeagol. Tomorrow is my scheduled ultrasound scan. Let us see if she will transform into Gollum or not.
I hate Gollum! Gollum told me: ultrasound never lies. Her job is to interpret the ultrasound findings to me. This is my gestational sac and there is no fluid inside. I will have miscarriage soon. I guess I did not made any foul comment. I just replied: ah, that means this is not a viable pregnancy. Ouch... I got a lengthy sermon afterwards. What have made her angry- is it my ugly ESR? Why am I always a victim of her unpredictable mood?
I told Gollum's staff that I am giving up. I was thinking whether to continue or discontinue my immunologic treatment. I guess her staff had told her. She was kind to me yesterday. Perhaps her conscience was bothering her. Should I still clarify the fluid hoax? I am still curious.
Why am I holding my ipad again?
I uninstalled 2048 serveral times already. I always complain blurry vision after playing that game. It is really boring to be a full time housewife. I guess my wild imaginations are haunting me again. What if my gynecologist is not bluffing? Ouch...
Chromosome, chromosomes and chromosomes... When do organs start to develop? What is my alternate plan? My frozen embryos are 5-day old blastocyst. What I know is preimplantation genetic screening is usually done on day 3. Is there day-5 embryo biopsy? Oh, there is trophectoderm biopsy. And I ended up looking for surrogacy ivf lab. http://www.lajollaivf.com/fertility-treatments/surrogacy-san-diego/
Am I serious on surrogacy? A week ago surrogacy in Thailand was featured in BBC news. The surrogate mom went hiding after she decided to keep the unborn baby. I also found a surrogate website, I am a bit reserved. Are these safe? I don't know the lifestyle of these surrogate mom. Are they sexually active? What if they passed the HIV test during its window period?
I have been playing joke on my sister for several times already. I asked when is her period coming? When is she going to ovulate? When is she going to sex with her husband? I will transfer my embryo on Day 5 after she has sexed with her husband! Wahaha, no sweat - one time big time pregnancy. One baby for her, one for me!
Chromosome, chromosomes and chromosomes... When do organs start to develop? What is my alternate plan? My frozen embryos are 5-day old blastocyst. What I know is preimplantation genetic screening is usually done on day 3. Is there day-5 embryo biopsy? Oh, there is trophectoderm biopsy. And I ended up looking for surrogacy ivf lab. http://www.lajollaivf.com/fertility-treatments/surrogacy-san-diego/
Am I serious on surrogacy? A week ago surrogacy in Thailand was featured in BBC news. The surrogate mom went hiding after she decided to keep the unborn baby. I also found a surrogate website, I am a bit reserved. Are these safe? I don't know the lifestyle of these surrogate mom. Are they sexually active? What if they passed the HIV test during its window period?
I have been playing joke on my sister for several times already. I asked when is her period coming? When is she going to ovulate? When is she going to sex with her husband? I will transfer my embryo on Day 5 after she has sexed with her husband! Wahaha, no sweat - one time big time pregnancy. One baby for her, one for me!
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Fluid depletion hoax
It is now 4 am. I just came back from my reproductive immunologist. I will patiently wait for my turn. Ouch... I was number 9 in the queue.
It was really a relief to see him this morning. He was so satisified with my ultrasound report, LIT and immune profile. I repeated after him- nice ultrasound. ^.^ he said my gestational sac is healthy. Otherwise, when the ultrasound probe was inserted the gestational sac will shape like a kidney bean. The placenta has not developed yet, but he showed this cavity is the brain. The spine has not developed yet blablabla.
I told him that my gynecologist said that I am having a miscarriage soon.. I also got a lengthy sermon from my gynecologist. He smiled and replied: I should know my new gynecologist by now!
Ai... No comment!
It was really a relief to see him this morning. He was so satisified with my ultrasound report, LIT and immune profile. I repeated after him- nice ultrasound. ^.^ he said my gestational sac is healthy. Otherwise, when the ultrasound probe was inserted the gestational sac will shape like a kidney bean. The placenta has not developed yet, but he showed this cavity is the brain. The spine has not developed yet blablabla.
I told him that my gynecologist said that I am having a miscarriage soon.. I also got a lengthy sermon from my gynecologist. He smiled and replied: I should know my new gynecologist by now!
Ai... No comment!
What is my fluid depletion again?
My friend called me tonight. She asked what fluid was depleted? I said amniotic fluid? I don't know- its the fluid inside the gestational sac. She laughed and she told me that the kidney of the fetus hasnt been developed at 8th week. The fetus could not pee yet! Therefore, no amniotic fluid.
Yeah right, I remembered my immunolgist said that the embryo will reorganize its cell on the 9th week. Then, organs will begin to develop by then.
Why did I not look for a second opinion? Yeah! Why not? I said if the other doctor has another opinion what shall I do? Haha, I need to go back to my gynecologist and fake her that my tummy is aching and request for another ultrasound. Wow! Nice idea. Honestly, I felt something was inconsistent about my gynecologist. I told her I feel my gynecologist tried to scare me. This is why I did not look scare to look for a second opinion.
I have mixed emotions on my pregnancy. I will give up if this fails. Haha my gynecologist enjoyed her sermon ya!
Yeah right, I remembered my immunolgist said that the embryo will reorganize its cell on the 9th week. Then, organs will begin to develop by then.
Why did I not look for a second opinion? Yeah! Why not? I said if the other doctor has another opinion what shall I do? Haha, I need to go back to my gynecologist and fake her that my tummy is aching and request for another ultrasound. Wow! Nice idea. Honestly, I felt something was inconsistent about my gynecologist. I told her I feel my gynecologist tried to scare me. This is why I did not look scare to look for a second opinion.
I have mixed emotions on my pregnancy. I will give up if this fails. Haha my gynecologist enjoyed her sermon ya!
Friday, February 20, 2015
My idealism is wrong
I don't know what shall I do next if I have my miscarriage. Shall I consider another round of embryo transfer? Ouch... I guess this is enough. It will be difficult for me to recover from my emotional trauma. My pregnancy maintenance is also financially draining.
I surrender to inequality. I don't need to prove to the world that I can deliver a healthy baby. My previous idealism is wrong. The odds of success is quite small. I am betting my health for a baby. There is a big chance that my ankylosing spondylitis may relapse. Disease Modifying Antirheumatic Drug (DMARD) may cause cancer. Ouch! Investment-wise this is an illogical decision.
My friend just had emergency ivig and fluid infusion last week because of amniotic fluid depletion. Whatelse can she do? Fetal rejection is not under her control. She also takes her medicine regularly. I am really praying for a miracle.
Til now, I still reject the idea of adoption. I may also consider surrogacy. Looking for surrogate mom!
I surrender to inequality. I don't need to prove to the world that I can deliver a healthy baby. My previous idealism is wrong. The odds of success is quite small. I am betting my health for a baby. There is a big chance that my ankylosing spondylitis may relapse. Disease Modifying Antirheumatic Drug (DMARD) may cause cancer. Ouch! Investment-wise this is an illogical decision.
My friend just had emergency ivig and fluid infusion last week because of amniotic fluid depletion. Whatelse can she do? Fetal rejection is not under her control. She also takes her medicine regularly. I am really praying for a miracle.
Til now, I still reject the idea of adoption. I may also consider surrogacy. Looking for surrogate mom!
Sunday, February 15, 2015
7w6d
I went to my gynecologist today. She said there is no fluid in the gestational sac. I will have spontaneous abortion soon. Noted! Then, I confirmed that this is not a viable pregnancy. I told her the possibility of chromosomal defect. She replied my embryo looks big- just no fluid.
What fluid was she referring to? I will go back to get my ultrasound report after lunch. She told me that my immunologist complains to her that I am stubborn and I am playing with my medicines. I need to continue with my house arrest. I should obediently follow their instructions.
Why should I continue with my house arrest, if there is no hope? Why did she schedule my next check up? Is there hope left? Maybe she was just scaring me. No comment!
The immunologist just told me on Saturday that my immune profile is good. While the gynecologist told me that there is fetal rejection- no fluid in gestational sac. Come what may! I will just have my LIT on Wednesday.
What fluid was she referring to? I will go back to get my ultrasound report after lunch. She told me that my immunologist complains to her that I am stubborn and I am playing with my medicines. I need to continue with my house arrest. I should obediently follow their instructions.
Why should I continue with my house arrest, if there is no hope? Why did she schedule my next check up? Is there hope left? Maybe she was just scaring me. No comment!
The immunologist just told me on Saturday that my immune profile is good. While the gynecologist told me that there is fetal rejection- no fluid in gestational sac. Come what may! I will just have my LIT on Wednesday.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
I feel like menstruating
I saw two small brown ballpen marks on my panty this morning. Am I spotting? I remembered my gynecologist told me that I have high risk of miscarriage. Ouch... Maybe the washing machine laundry was not so clean. Then, I noticed a brownish stain on the tissue paper after I pee this afternoon. Oh no... I just realized I felt my pelvic area was heavy since yesterday. I feel like menstruating.
Actually, I was supposed to have ivig and Smoflipid this Tuesday but it was cancelled by my immunologist. My immune profile was good- no need to have these treatments. He complained about the gestational sac shape and low progesterone last night. Let us see what will my gynecologist say on Monday. I scared.
Actually, I was supposed to have ivig and Smoflipid this Tuesday but it was cancelled by my immunologist. My immune profile was good- no need to have these treatments. He complained about the gestational sac shape and low progesterone last night. Let us see what will my gynecologist say on Monday. I scared.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
I thought 131 was a good number
I went to see my immunologist last night. Upon seeing my ultrasound report, he said his target heart rate is 170 bpm. Ouch! I thought 131 was a good number.
He requested for series of tests.KCT,APTT, DRVVT and etc...He increased the dosage size of my Transderm Nitro patch.I told him that my gynecologist asked me to go back to see her 10 days from now. To him, 10 days is too long. He said I need to go back to my gynecologist tomorrow.Huhuhu...
I need another round of ivig. I thought I will never have to use ivig anymore. I may also need Smoflipid soon.I also need lymphocyte immunization therapy again next next week. I surrender!
Why my pregnancy is financially draining while other people just breed like rabbits?
He requested for series of tests.KCT,APTT, DRVVT and etc...He increased the dosage size of my Transderm Nitro patch.I told him that my gynecologist asked me to go back to see her 10 days from now. To him, 10 days is too long. He said I need to go back to my gynecologist tomorrow.Huhuhu...
I need another round of ivig. I thought I will never have to use ivig anymore. I may also need Smoflipid soon.I also need lymphocyte immunization therapy again next next week. I surrender!
Why my pregnancy is financially draining while other people just breed like rabbits?
Friday, February 6, 2015
Surprise- there was heartbeat already
There was heartbeat already yesterday. I just acted childish yesterday because I was got a sermon from my gynecologist. She just pointed that this white thing must look brighter blablabla, She told me if ever I tried to skip medicine again without notifying her, she will quarrel with me. I guess she was in bad mood. I am afraid to ask her any questions. The nurse were too busy and I am impatient to wait for the report. I just told them that I will dropby to take the report today since I need to have my Proluton injection today.
The report says gs- middle of the cavity= 6 weeks 3 days old. Yolk sac= 0.38; CRL- 0.42 cm； 6 weeks 1 day. FHR - 131 bpm.
Wow! Thanks for your prayers! I can't still imagine and believe of becoming a mother.
The report says gs- middle of the cavity= 6 weeks 3 days old. Yolk sac= 0.38; CRL- 0.42 cm； 6 weeks 1 day. FHR - 131 bpm.
Wow! Thanks for your prayers! I can't still imagine and believe of becoming a mother.
Of heartbeat and russian roulette
I was saddened by the news that my husband's sister-in-law needed to do an abortion. That time, I told my husband to tell his brother to please extend the wait for another two weeks. Some people gets embryo heartbeat at 9th week. If I am not mistaken, no heart beat at 6th week. They did the abortion at the 7th week.
Shh... I never had a close relationship with my in-laws. We are just like acquaintances. I am not that bad as you may think. It is just that we live separate lives. The couple lives and work in Singapore.
I tried to search the web last time. I saw in one forum somebody has posted she had heartbeat at 10th week. Maybe she had ovulated late. Whatever... Last time, I was trying my best to share my positivism to them.
It seems that we are playing the Russian roulette game. It is now my turn. Until when can I keep the embryo without performing an abortion? Shall I share the same fate? If I dont get heartbeat this week, what is the assurance that I will get heartbeat in the next 10 days? Ouch! Should I be happy or sad? Ninth week is 24 days from now! The gun is now pointed at my head. And the countdown time to the trigger is getting nervous.
My husband said my cousin told him that in their state in America. No pregnant woman can get an appointment with a gynecologist until she is 10-week pregnant. Oh, that is public health care. Uhm... That means I can extend my trigger count down to 31 days. Whew! It is just adding five minutes to an activated time bomb. Ouch!
Shh... I never had a close relationship with my in-laws. We are just like acquaintances. I am not that bad as you may think. It is just that we live separate lives. The couple lives and work in Singapore.
I tried to search the web last time. I saw in one forum somebody has posted she had heartbeat at 10th week. Maybe she had ovulated late. Whatever... Last time, I was trying my best to share my positivism to them.
My husband said my cousin told him that in their state in America. No pregnant woman can get an appointment with a gynecologist until she is 10-week pregnant. Oh, that is public health care. Uhm... That means I can extend my trigger count down to 31 days. Whew! It is just adding five minutes to an activated time bomb. Ouch!
6w3d
The gestational sac got bigger. The yolk sac should have a brighter contrast with the black background. Unfortunately, in my case the contrast is not too good. No heartbeat yet. I need to go back to see my gynecologist in 10 days.
I will try to enjoy the every minute of my house arrest. 10 days seems like a long wait. Worrying will not help anyway. Is beta hcg useful? At least I will know my embryo is still alive or not. Is there data on what hcg level will result into having embryo heartbeat?
Oh nver mind, I dont want to be too obsessive and compulsive. Come what may. At least, I did my best. No regret in the future. I surrender .
I will try to enjoy the every minute of my house arrest. 10 days seems like a long wait. Worrying will not help anyway. Is beta hcg useful? At least I will know my embryo is still alive or not. Is there data on what hcg level will result into having embryo heartbeat?
Oh nver mind, I dont want to be too obsessive and compulsive. Come what may. At least, I did my best. No regret in the future. I surrender .
This contradicts my immunologist
Spondyloarthropathy
"Women with ankylosing spondylitis have normal fertility. Most patients experience no change or modest worsening of complaints during pregnancy; those who worsen return to baseline after delivery.[65] Patients with psoriatic arthritis may improve during pregnancy. Other than the specific anatomic problems of spondyloarthropathy (i.e., restricted motion of the hips and lower back that may impede vaginal delivery), patients have no unusual problems with pregnancy. Treatment for painful back is problematic because indomethacin and other NSAIDs may cause fetal harm."
https://know.obgyn.wisc.edu/sites/mfm/fellowship/mfmfellowslecture/Lecture%20Library/CR-6%20Chapter%2051.pdf
I should not be scared of my immune problem. My immunologic cells did not flare because of my spondyarthropathy. Ehem, maybe it flared because of ivig.
"Women with ankylosing spondylitis have normal fertility. Most patients experience no change or modest worsening of complaints during pregnancy; those who worsen return to baseline after delivery.[65] Patients with psoriatic arthritis may improve during pregnancy. Other than the specific anatomic problems of spondyloarthropathy (i.e., restricted motion of the hips and lower back that may impede vaginal delivery), patients have no unusual problems with pregnancy. Treatment for painful back is problematic because indomethacin and other NSAIDs may cause fetal harm."
https://know.obgyn.wisc.edu/sites/mfm/fellowship/mfmfellowslecture/Lecture%20Library/CR-6%20Chapter%2051.pdf
I should not be scared of my immune problem. My immunologic cells did not flare because of my spondyarthropathy. Ehem, maybe it flared because of ivig.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
my bhcg at 6w2d
My beta hcg is 35,246.43.
http://perinatology.com/calculators/betahCG.htm
Great! Now, I understand my crappy extrapolation is not applicable!
http://perinatology.com/calculators/betahCG.htm
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
My new occupation- housewife
Plain housewife sounds funny. I just don't understand why some people would put plain as an adjective. It sounds like a plain yogurt to me. I need to shut my big mouth before my blog becomes too gross.
Do I need to update my resume? Flavored housewife, well it is a secret concoction. Not to arouse any curiosity, I will just write housewive. No adjective attached!
Is housewife a job promotion or a job demotion? What is the definition of the housewife? I am just put into solitary. I just cared to sleep and look for food when I get bored. Should I update my job description to prisoner instead? After all, I think I am not managing my household. I was put under house arrest by my gynecologist. I cannot go to any places other than her clinic. She is afraid that I may get infection because I am on immune suppressants.
I just wish that I could obtain one bunny suit. The one used by semiconductor companies like Intel. Wow! That should look great on me. Those astronaut suits may also be good. If I can buy a high efficiency particulate filter and install it in my office maybe I don't need house arrest anymore.
I always thought being a housewife is a privilege given to selected few very lucky people. Now, I stand corrected. Nobody to talk to... Sorry I just vent my emotions and beat my boredom through blogging.
Still awaiting for my lousy beta hcg result.
Do I need to update my resume? Flavored housewife, well it is a secret concoction. Not to arouse any curiosity, I will just write housewive. No adjective attached!
Is housewife a job promotion or a job demotion? What is the definition of the housewife? I am just put into solitary. I just cared to sleep and look for food when I get bored. Should I update my job description to prisoner instead? After all, I think I am not managing my household. I was put under house arrest by my gynecologist. I cannot go to any places other than her clinic. She is afraid that I may get infection because I am on immune suppressants.
I just wish that I could obtain one bunny suit. The one used by semiconductor companies like Intel. Wow! That should look great on me. Those astronaut suits may also be good. If I can buy a high efficiency particulate filter and install it in my office maybe I don't need house arrest anymore.
I always thought being a housewife is a privilege given to selected few very lucky people. Now, I stand corrected. Nobody to talk to... Sorry I just vent my emotions and beat my boredom through blogging.
Still awaiting for my lousy beta hcg result.
it is about time to kill my pessimism
I asked my husband to buy me some medicines tonight. He said asked why should he buy 20 syringe only? Then, I asked why should he buy in bulk? If there is no heartbeat, then our game is over. Ooops... how did he feel? I was talking with him over the phone. I don't know his reaction.
What is meant to be shall happen. Maybe those embryos were really my Christmas gift from god.
My mom lives nearby the airport. We parked our car in their house and asked favor from my brother to drive us to airport for our embryo transfer. After the embryo tranfer, my sister-in-law has hosted a party for us. My old room is now occupied by my nephew. I stayed in my mom's room for an afternoon nap. Ouch! My naughty nephew's foot had made a hard landing on my tummy. In the late afternoon, while I was talking with his mom, he hit my pelvic area... Oh no, that must be my uterus. Because he tried to grab my attention.
The hotel fire alarm and its adrenalin rush has added to my adventure.
I just now realized that my embryo is tough! Hang on my baby! I am confident that my beta hcg will increase again tomorrow. I look forward for a heartbeat on friday.
Ouch! It seems my immunologist told me that my beta hcg is good, however he needs a another beta hcg tomorrow. Hehe, I don't want to read between the lines. My face don't look like a baby killer so as my immune system. ^.^
What is meant to be shall happen. Maybe those embryos were really my Christmas gift from god.
My mom lives nearby the airport. We parked our car in their house and asked favor from my brother to drive us to airport for our embryo transfer. After the embryo tranfer, my sister-in-law has hosted a party for us. My old room is now occupied by my nephew. I stayed in my mom's room for an afternoon nap. Ouch! My naughty nephew's foot had made a hard landing on my tummy. In the late afternoon, while I was talking with his mom, he hit my pelvic area... Oh no, that must be my uterus. Because he tried to grab my attention.
The hotel fire alarm and its adrenalin rush has added to my adventure.
I just now realized that my embryo is tough! Hang on my baby! I am confident that my beta hcg will increase again tomorrow. I look forward for a heartbeat on friday.
Ouch! It seems my immunologist told me that my beta hcg is good, however he needs a another beta hcg tomorrow. Hehe, I don't want to read between the lines. My face don't look like a baby killer so as my immune system. ^.^
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
extrapolation
I am into purchasing. I am fond of doing my self developed formula on extrapolation and forecasting.
If my bchg is 99 on day1, then if it triples on day 3. I guess it will triple again on day 5. So far, my predictions were correct. But now, my forecast deviates from the actual value.
I am afraid to analyse my bhcg values. I hope 23893 is a good number.
"Dont breed like rabbits"- Pope Francis
My sister was not quite sure whether her last menstrual period was December 23 or 24. Like me, she also has PCOS. My period is very regular while her period is very irregular. According to her, after giving birth to two kids, her period became regular. But, her menstruation did not come yet this cycle. She suspect something was wrong with her hormone again. Then, she bought a pregnancy kit and she got two lines. Immediately after seeing the two lines, she suspected a false positive. To her disbelief, she called the nurse. She said is on natural birth control, she believes she cannot get pregnant. The nurse laughed out loud. Nobody gets a false positive on the home pregnancy kit.
My home pregnancy kit story is very different from her situation. Maybe she tried to apply my comments on false positive. Wahahha. She is very funny.
Pregnancy comes very natural to other people. They don't even need to worry about the gestational sac size, an embryo heartbeat ... This reminds me of Pope Francis message to the Filipino people. "Don't breed like rabbits." What sexual hormones does rabbit have? I wish to research on rabbits. I need act like a rabbit.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Cyborg and my fantasy
The very first time I heard of test tube baby, I thought you need to put the egg and the sperm in the test tube. Instead of like watering the plant, you feed blood to the test tube everyday. Voila! The result is a cyborg- half human/ half robot/ half monster/ half vampire. Test tube babies are experimental cyborgs by mad scientist.
I don't know for whatever reason, I always have the fear that I am infertile. Perhaps because I was married at 36 years old. I knew my chance of getting pregnant is slim. I remembered while I and my fiance was still dating, I told him I want to go to fertility doctor right away if I do get pregnant in 3 months of our marriage. The rest is history, it took us about 30 months to get pregnant. I had answered my high school curiosity on what is a test tube baby.
As much as how I embrace science, I really could not believe that I am having a baby soon. I don't know why I am always pessimistic about having the embryo heart beat. I pray that I deserve the grace.
I will have beta hcg test again tomorrow morning to check the embryo health.
I don't know for whatever reason, I always have the fear that I am infertile. Perhaps because I was married at 36 years old. I knew my chance of getting pregnant is slim. I remembered while I and my fiance was still dating, I told him I want to go to fertility doctor right away if I do get pregnant in 3 months of our marriage. The rest is history, it took us about 30 months to get pregnant. I had answered my high school curiosity on what is a test tube baby.
As much as how I embrace science, I really could not believe that I am having a baby soon. I don't know why I am always pessimistic about having the embryo heart beat. I pray that I deserve the grace.
I will have beta hcg test again tomorrow morning to check the embryo health.
My 6th Lymphocyte Immunization therapy
My 6th lymphocyte immunization therapy went perfectly fine. There was no pustules. No more rejection. Comparing the size of the indurations from the past LITs, this is so far the best according to my immunologist last Saturday.
The induration from my husband's lymphocyte is the biggest among the donors. I just noticed it now. What is its interpretation? Is this a delayed cytotoxic reaction again? How does HLA similarity/ sharing fit in this picture?
Hehe, peace! I hope six is enough!
The induration from my husband's lymphocyte is the biggest among the donors. I just noticed it now. What is its interpretation? Is this a delayed cytotoxic reaction again? How does HLA similarity/ sharing fit in this picture?
Hehe, peace! I hope six is enough!
Do I still need lymphocyte immunization therapy?
Do I still need lymphocyte immunization therapy? I really hate it! I suspect that I got mycoplasma infection from blood transfusion. I did mycoplasma screening in the consecutive months or two months apart. I forgot the dates. From negative mycoplasma IgM, IgG, it became positive IgM and negative IgG. That means the infection was quite recent that time. My husband was negative for mycoplasma infection. I don't care much because that is curable.
But, now the situation is quite different. I am taking Imuran, I cannot afford another infection.
1. What is the standard blood test? Blood typing, cmv, hepatitis A,B,C , hiv, malaria, syphilis
2. What if the donor has recent toxoplasma infection? Or ureaplasma? Are these transmittable by blood?
3. How does the ivig protein differ from my blood donors' protein? Hehehe... My donor's protein can also attack my FC and FAB, correct?
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/toxoplasmosis.html
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/231470-overview#a0104
I realized that playing my favorite role as devil's advocate again. See you on wednsday! I guess six is enough.
But, now the situation is quite different. I am taking Imuran, I cannot afford another infection.
1. What is the standard blood test? Blood typing, cmv, hepatitis A,B,C , hiv, malaria, syphilis
2. What if the donor has recent toxoplasma infection? Or ureaplasma? Are these transmittable by blood?
3. How does the ivig protein differ from my blood donors' protein? Hehehe... My donor's protein can also attack my FC and FAB, correct?
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/toxoplasmosis.html
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/231470-overview#a0104
I realized that playing my favorite role as devil's advocate again. See you on wednsday! I guess six is enough.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
I am satisified
I am happy that I have chosen to believe in reproductive immunology. My hardwork has finally paid off. My lymphocyte immunization therapy , ivig and my midnight consultations with my beloved immunolgist did not go to waste.
I am experiencing systemic inflammation now. His prophecy... Oops I used the wrong word again. His advices were true. I wish I had taken Imuran a week ago. Anyway, let it be. I pray that we can still catch up. I pray my immune system will not kill the embryo.
What is next if there is no heart beat? I accept my fate. I will try another round of embryo transfer. Ouch... This mean another rounds of ivig? I will do an embryo biopsy. Huhuhu.... I dont want to think negative for now.
Can PGS be done on the frozen blastocyst? For what I understand, PGS is done on 8 cell stage (day3). Not sure!
Shhh.... Who knows ivig proteins are attacking my FC and FAB? Who knows maybe the ivig is counter productive to me? Or the systemic inflammation is arthritic in nature? On the brighter side, I did not develop pustules on my sixth lymphocyte immunization therapy. This means my immune system has recognized my husband's HLA already. My immune system is not producing anti-hla-antibody against my husband anymore. My embryo comprises of 50% hla material from me, and 50% from my dear husband. Ehem ehem... My immune system is reprogrammed not to kill the embryo.
I surrender to god.
Dear baby,
Please hang on. I love you.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
My bulging tummy
I am not too imaginative but I feel my tummy had bulged a bit. My weight remains 130 pounds. I am acting like a pig these days. Eat, sleep, eat and sleep. Luckily, I dont feel that I look like a pig yet. My BMI is 21. My gynecologist had put me on house arrest. At least, my sleep has improved these days.
Bulging tummy means more space for my subcutaneus injections. ^.^ Fluid retention, sweating, hormonal imbalance and abnormal blood pressure swing is not uncommon.
Ei, what is Disuse Syndrome? Am I put under house arrest because of the risk of miscarriage or the risk of getting infection?
Bulging tummy means more space for my subcutaneus injections. ^.^ Fluid retention, sweating, hormonal imbalance and abnormal blood pressure swing is not uncommon.
Ei, what is Disuse Syndrome? Am I put under house arrest because of the risk of miscarriage or the risk of getting infection?
Relax
Whilst CRP + and DRVVT have increased, I find myself relaxed. Hehe, ignorance is bliss. I can sense that my immunologist is on panic mode. Last night, he asked me when is my next check up with my gynecologist? I told him this coming friday. He prescribed Transderm Nitro patch to dilate my blood vessels. In the middle of a certain topic he asked again when is my next consult with my gynecologist? I asked if he wants me to move my check up to an earlier schedule?
Oh, never mind. He wants another bhcg and progesterone test to check the embryo's health. Ultrasound is useless for now. I need to see him again on Wednesday. Ooops, is my name included in his vip list? What time was my last dose of Imuran? It sounds scary. Let him do the worrying. ^.^ I seat back and watch him do his craft. Relax!
Next friday's ordeal- the heart beat. Sometimes I still ask myself : am I dreaming? I cannot believe that I am becoming a mom soon. I pray for a heart beat and successful pregnancy.
Oh, never mind. He wants another bhcg and progesterone test to check the embryo's health. Ultrasound is useless for now. I need to see him again on Wednesday. Ooops, is my name included in his vip list? What time was my last dose of Imuran? It sounds scary. Let him do the worrying. ^.^ I seat back and watch him do his craft. Relax!
Next friday's ordeal- the heart beat. Sometimes I still ask myself : am I dreaming? I cannot believe that I am becoming a mom soon. I pray for a heart beat and successful pregnancy.
Friday, January 30, 2015
5w4d
My blood pressure is 126/66. In the past, the average was 100~110/ 60~70. Could this be a sign of preeclampsia? The nurse said she prays for twins. How many do implantation do I pray for? I was speechless. I asked myself: what if I had twins? Am I expecting higher blood pressure in the next few weeks? Come what may!
Shortly after greeting my gynecologist, I cried. I don't understand why my new gynecologist keeps on pushing me to go back to my monstrous gynecologist. Is she teasing me or she really meant it? Hehe, she was shocked to see me crying. ^.^ I hope not to hear my monstrous gynecologist name again. I have stuffy nose and headache now. I can't control my emotions.
The gestational sac is now visible. This is a singleton pregnancy. Thank god.
Gestational Sac: 0.81cm
Yolk sac: 0.33 cm
Since, a pulmonologist has ruled out that I have Koch's lesion. I am safe to take Imuran. Imuran started this afternoon. She said it is too early to have high ESR. I trust and surrender.
Shortly after greeting my gynecologist, I cried. I don't understand why my new gynecologist keeps on pushing me to go back to my monstrous gynecologist. Is she teasing me or she really meant it? Hehe, she was shocked to see me crying. ^.^ I hope not to hear my monstrous gynecologist name again. I have stuffy nose and headache now. I can't control my emotions.
The gestational sac is now visible. This is a singleton pregnancy. Thank god.
Gestational Sac: 0.81cm
Yolk sac: 0.33 cm
Since, a pulmonologist has ruled out that I have Koch's lesion. I am safe to take Imuran. Imuran started this afternoon. She said it is too early to have high ESR. I trust and surrender.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Of prophecy
Should I or should I not believe in the prophecy that the end of the world is on February 5, 2015? To me, prophecy is a non sense. To see is to believe. Shhh... I still have the tendency to believe that my doctors are doing some prophecy on me.
... my immune cells may flare during pregnancy
... immune suppressants may cause cancer
... I should use minimal suppression because gynecologist believes that....
....I should use maximum suppression because immunologist believes that...
I am stuck in between. What is wrong in believing in prophecy? What will I lose if I believe? I am afraid to verify reality of these prophecy. But, who is the supreme prophet? I am confused. I wish to tell Simon2 that Simon1 asked me to take Imuran.
It maybe too late. I am still optimistic that I can surpass my first panic moments. After all, I believe other doctors don't use Imuran anyway.
... my immune cells may flare during pregnancy
... immune suppressants may cause cancer
... I should use minimal suppression because gynecologist believes that....
....I should use maximum suppression because immunologist believes that...
I am stuck in between. What is wrong in believing in prophecy? What will I lose if I believe? I am afraid to verify reality of these prophecy. But, who is the supreme prophet? I am confused. I wish to tell Simon2 that Simon1 asked me to take Imuran.
It maybe too late. I am still optimistic that I can surpass my first panic moments. After all, I believe other doctors don't use Imuran anyway.
My first panic- inflammation
I regret of my decision of postponing Imuran. I will rush to my gynecologist today. I was warn that my immune cells might flare during pregnancy. Wait! Let us see if it is true to the entire population. Let us see if it will happen to me. A decade ago while I had uveitis and arthritis, i remember my ESR never gone beyond 40. I never had systemic inflammation.
ESR -erythocyte sedimentation rate is a measure of inflammation activity. The normal value is less than 20. The presence of Crp - C reactive protein means I have a systemic inflammation. No wonder I feel slight mucle pain.
Jan 23- ESR - 23; CRP -
Jan 28- ESR - 45; CRP +
I thought my immune cells are quiet this time. I just have lymphocyte immunization therapy. I was so happy not to see any pustules. Although, I havent seen Simon. From now on, I will play the Simon Says Game. Simon says: take Imuran. Yes, Simon!
It is confusing. There are two Simons.
ESR -erythocyte sedimentation rate is a measure of inflammation activity. The normal value is less than 20. The presence of Crp - C reactive protein means I have a systemic inflammation. No wonder I feel slight mucle pain.
Jan 23- ESR - 23; CRP -
Jan 28- ESR - 45; CRP +
I thought my immune cells are quiet this time. I just have lymphocyte immunization therapy. I was so happy not to see any pustules. Although, I havent seen Simon. From now on, I will play the Simon Says Game. Simon says: take Imuran. Yes, Simon!
It is confusing. There are two Simons.
My progesterone had dropped
I had my 5 day blastocyst transfer on Jan 13.
Jan 21 (4w1d) E2 -11568; Hcg- 99.25; P4-52.58
Jan 23 (4w3d) Hcg- 332.13; P4- 57.94
Jan 27 (5w0d) Hcg- 2761.09; P4-38.8
My progesterone had dropped. Pessimism started to bug me. Few days ago, my friend had failed ivf. Our cycle was only 5 days apart. She had uterine biophysical score of 19/20. I could not believe she had an implantation failure. She had LIT and 3x ivig. I began to suspect that there was lapse on part of our immunologist. Oh no! Or perhaps, something went wrong with her th1:th2 again. Our case is very similar. But, we don't share the same ivf doctor. Or is it the lapse of her ivf doctor.
Could I be having a blighted ovum? But, we transferred two embryo. I pray for at least one implanted embryo. Let it be. I don't know if I deserve god's grace. I will cry if there is no gestational sac on saturday. (5w5d). Scary! I still have the Jayden's Coke Deprivation Syndrome within me. ^.^ I have never outgrown my emotions. What should I do next, if I have failed pregnancy?
I feel slight throbbing sometimes in my pelvic area. I hope the throbbing is not in the fallopian tube.
What is anti-progesterone antibody? Grrr... I miss my beloved immunologist.
Jan 21 (4w1d) E2 -11568; Hcg- 99.25; P4-52.58
Jan 23 (4w3d) Hcg- 332.13; P4- 57.94
Jan 27 (5w0d) Hcg- 2761.09; P4-38.8
My progesterone had dropped. Pessimism started to bug me. Few days ago, my friend had failed ivf. Our cycle was only 5 days apart. She had uterine biophysical score of 19/20. I could not believe she had an implantation failure. She had LIT and 3x ivig. I began to suspect that there was lapse on part of our immunologist. Oh no! Or perhaps, something went wrong with her th1:th2 again. Our case is very similar. But, we don't share the same ivf doctor. Or is it the lapse of her ivf doctor.
Could I be having a blighted ovum? But, we transferred two embryo. I pray for at least one implanted embryo. Let it be. I don't know if I deserve god's grace. I will cry if there is no gestational sac on saturday. (5w5d). Scary! I still have the Jayden's Coke Deprivation Syndrome within me. ^.^ I have never outgrown my emotions. What should I do next, if I have failed pregnancy?
I feel slight throbbing sometimes in my pelvic area. I hope the throbbing is not in the fallopian tube.
What is anti-progesterone antibody? Grrr... I miss my beloved immunologist.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Contaminated water
Oh no, I accidentally sipped a mouthful of contaminated water. I pray it will not result in diarrhea. Let us see the efficacy of my ivig. I will eat yogurt later.
Insomnia again
I sleep at 5:30am and woke up at 9 am. Sore throat! I don't know if I can survive this pregnancy.
Monday, January 26, 2015
A tale of anitphospholipid antibody from a friend
Once upon a time, I dont like my beloved immunologist. I always complain him of using a cannon ball to kill a mosquito. Everyone should check their antiphospoholipid antibody. Even my husband needs to check his antiphospholipid anybody. I made a joke to a fellow patient, I said my husband needs to have Smoflipid and heparin first before engaging in any sexual intercourse. Wahaha.
Ooops. I was surprised. Her husband has antiphospholipid antibody. The KCT score was 200 (normal is 75). Her husband had angiogram in the past but there was no significant findings. Not so recent, her husband was hospitalized again due to shortness of breath, muscle soreness and etc... He was discharged from the hospital after a week of stay again with any significant findings. Angiogram was scheduled on the succeeding week.
On the day of discharge, although he was very exhausted he still accompanied his wife to our immunologist. I salute to their determination! Midnight schedule does not shun him from pushing thru with the consult despite of his condition. Voila! Both husband and wife KCT result was there waiting for them in the clinic. Our immunologist said his husband has high risk of stroke and heart attack. Then, they shared their story to the immunologist. Shortly after the consult, his husband was confined under the care of our immunologist. He had Smoflipid and blood thinner. Case closed! No need to do the angiogram. He has blood clot in the lungs no wonder cardiologist always clear him. I just wonder why nobody from the other hospital has the brain to solve his case. Now, his husband is perfectly well but takes an oral blood thinner. I was happy to meet them again after a long while. I pray for the success of their ivf.
Ooops. I was surprised. Her husband has antiphospholipid antibody. The KCT score was 200 (normal is 75). Her husband had angiogram in the past but there was no significant findings. Not so recent, her husband was hospitalized again due to shortness of breath, muscle soreness and etc... He was discharged from the hospital after a week of stay again with any significant findings. Angiogram was scheduled on the succeeding week.
On the day of discharge, although he was very exhausted he still accompanied his wife to our immunologist. I salute to their determination! Midnight schedule does not shun him from pushing thru with the consult despite of his condition. Voila! Both husband and wife KCT result was there waiting for them in the clinic. Our immunologist said his husband has high risk of stroke and heart attack. Then, they shared their story to the immunologist. Shortly after the consult, his husband was confined under the care of our immunologist. He had Smoflipid and blood thinner. Case closed! No need to do the angiogram. He has blood clot in the lungs no wonder cardiologist always clear him. I just wonder why nobody from the other hospital has the brain to solve his case. Now, his husband is perfectly well but takes an oral blood thinner. I was happy to meet them again after a long while. I pray for the success of their ivf.
Paranoid over Imuran
Infection
1.
I still get pustules on my 5th LIT. My immunologist said there must be an infection somewhere. He then asked for pap smear,
urinalysis and chest xray. Upon seeing my xray, he asked if that was my xray?
That film looks like a smoker’s lungs, and I claim that I am not a smoker. I
have tuberculosis.
2.
I hate this report. “… right apex appear to be old
lesion and insignificant”
a.
How can this be an old lesion if the 2009 xray
report doesn’t have such comment?
b.
How can this be insignificant if the lesion is
new? I mean if I have active tuberculosis
3.
I went to a rheumatologist because she said: “Xray
was done to detect any apical lesions that may be part of ankylosing
spondylitis.” Honestly, she can’t see
any lesion. She said she believes a pulmonologist may not be able to see it as
well. I better go to an infectious doctor.
4.
I went to an infectious doctor. She suggested a
tuberculin skin test. I withheld because I cannot go back to her in 2 days for
the interpretation. Sputum test is
difficult to detect since I am not coughing.
5.
I went back to my immunologist, I told him I had #3 and
#4. I told him that I am afraid of getting a false positive from the tuberculin
skin test because I always get a delayed type cytotoxic reaction from LIT. The
skin test cannot differentiate active from latent tuberculosis. I am dying of
smoker’s lungs already yet he never referred me to a pulmonologist. ^.^ What is
the worst case scenario, if I have latent tuberculosis? Immune suppressants may
give opportunistic growth to my tuberculosis bacteria. He said he can use
minimum suppression + Ivig. Let him do the worrying.
6.
I went to a pulmonologist. He said I don’t have
a lesion; no smoker’s lungs.
7.
Case closed! I just got challenged with #2. To distinguish
an old from new scar. If the radiologist writes “A small calcific density and
very minimal streaky densities are seen at the right apex.” I will not look for
other specialist. I will take her word for it.
TNF-A inhibitor and
cancer
12 years has lapse
since my last check up with my rheumatologist. I told her I will be having my
ivf soon. Any comment on immune suppressants? What will be my pain reliever?
The last time I remembered, cox-2 was recalled. Ai, never mind… I told her that I pray I will not need
to see her. I don’t know what my immunologist will prescribe. I hope we will
never need to use a TNF-a inhibitor. If I go to the websites of some tnf-a
inhibitors like Embrel or Humira, there is a warning that their product may
cause cancer. Yes, it is mandated by FDA that drug companies should make post
market surveillance and report all cases. Even if 1/1000 patients had side
effects, the consumers must be warned. I know my immunologist is very fond of
Imuran. Imuran can also lowers TNF-a why its warning is it contraindicated to
leukemia patients/ family history of leukemia only? Hehe... no comment ^.^ What is the most strongest immune
suppressant she had used on her patient? No comment. ^.^ I need to pray over my
medicine. Like for example, Methotrexate it can cause drug-induced lupus etc…
but it was the only available medicine in the past. One of her patient died of gastric
ulcer because he refused to take the DMARD. Ai… pregnancy is dumb I do, dumb I
don’t. I have family history of cancer. It seems to me that cancer is inevitable.
My new gynecologist strongly
advised me not to get pregnant on the very first day she saw me. She told me
that I tell my immunologist not to use Imuran. Pls use a milder immune suppressant. She
said immune suppressants may cause cancer.
I don’t want to think too much. I told my immunologist that I
trust him on whether lowering tnf-a will cause cancer or not. I was willing to
take Imuran but I remembered the tuberculosis scare.
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