I should choose to be happy and carefree.

Life is a matter of choice. Either I choose to be happy or I choose worry. Worrying is tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts. Oopss... did my disturbing thoughts happen already? It seems worrying is integrated to my brain waves. This brings me the memoir of my father: planning, scheduling and decision making I always get scolded when I was younger because I have puny in this aspect.

I just feel worrying is part of my planning activity. Questions like:

- What if I have failed implantation, what shall I do next? Should I do a PGD?

- What if my fetus has genetic abnormality, what shall I do next?

- In the event of miscarriage, what shall I do next?

I often see expectant parents so happy scheduling their 20th week ultrasound- for gender detection or happily scheduling their 4D ultrasound for album and keepsake. I look at my 20th week ultrasound as a scary ultrasound- congenital anomaly scan. When should I schedule my congenital anomaly scan? Can it be one or two weeks earlier? This is to give way for the amniocentesis in the event of doubt. I have a deadline to beat- 24th week. It is unlawful to do abortion after 24th week of pregnancy in Hong Kong. I need to book my ivf doctor.  

Grrr... why am I thinking too much? After all, pregnancy is a gift of God. Sad to say, back in my mind: there is a little battle between technology and nature. I should choose to be happy and carefree.

Dear God, 

Thank you for this pregnancy.