My idealism is wrong

I don't know what shall I do next if I have my miscarriage. Shall I consider another round of embryo transfer? Ouch... I guess this is enough. It will be difficult for me to recover from my emotional trauma. My pregnancy maintenance is also financially draining.

I surrender to inequality. I don't need to prove to the world that I can deliver a healthy baby. My previous idealism is wrong. The odds of success is quite small. I am betting my health for a baby. There is a big chance that my ankylosing spondylitis may relapse. Disease Modifying Antirheumatic Drug (DMARD) may cause cancer. Ouch! Investment-wise this is an illogical decision.

My friend just had emergency ivig and fluid infusion last week because of amniotic fluid depletion. Whatelse can she do? Fetal rejection is not under her control. She also takes her medicine regularly. I am really praying for a miracle.

Til now, I still reject the idea of adoption.  I may also consider surrogacy.  Looking for surrogate mom!