Fear of Failure

I have my own timeline. After 5 unsuccessful IUI, I will move on to IVF. IVF is my last string of hope.  If possible, I don’t want to reach that point. My 5^th IUI is a make or break. I backed-out from my first 5^th IUI attempt. I was tempted to try the immunologic work-up first. Was I just trying to delay the 5^th IUI? 

I wished to try the LIT (lymphocyte immunization therapy). LIT is my silver bullet. Does silver bullet exist? But, in the end, I just spent 4 months in refusing LIT.

Fairies are not alchemist. My Fairy Godmother does not have a crystal ball to see when I will get pregnant. The best advise I got was "to try again". Yes, I will try LIT and I will try IVF afterwards.

Why did I develop an intense fear of failure? My reasons were overshadowed with fear. I was fear of what? Haha, I don’t know. I failed my 5^th IUI, so what? What is the dread consequence? 

It is not easy to embrace LIT. I turned my back against immunology. Now, I returned. I bet I am not the only one who did so. Wait, where are my inhibitions on LIT? ^.^