What is the difference between fate and destiny? To me, destiny is a product of my conscious choice or decision. Fate is quite tricky. It has unexplained or uncontrollable attribute.
To me, fate is like tripping over a small stone. It is something like carelessness, accident or god's will that prevents me from achieving my goal. Is clumsiness a fate or destiny? Is having no offspring a fate or destiny? Should I be dictated by the prophecy? Is being childless my choice?
My mom told me to go to the temple and to exchange flower. I don't know exactly what tradition is it- buddhism or chinese? The scary part of it is I need god's permission. I need to toss a pair wooden half moon. A "yes" means- I should get either piece facing up side and down. A "no" means- two both wooden half moon facing down. A "no" means- I cannot take home the flower. Flower symbolizes kids. Granted if I have successful implantation on IVF, I may have spontaneous abortion along the way. Because, I did not have God's permission. Scary!
Question: should I be dictated by the wooden half moon tossing? I partly believe but I am quite hesitant to surrender to prophecy? Prophecy is not my cup of tea. My fate is a product of my conscious choice.
I am in the crossroad. YES- continue pregnancy treatment , NO- halt the pregnancy dream. I follow my heart first. I don't want to forgo my opportunity. I don't want to blame my wooden half moon tossing in the future. I will have IVF. I fully understand the risk. Now, I am ready to accept the challenge. I pray for no complication, no life threatening fetal resistance. I surrender to god.
Btw, why am I so negative? I am lucky that nowadays medicine and technology are so advanced. I am lucky because as of now we are still able to fund our fertility work up. Amen! I will try to get pregnant.
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