I had a big genuine smile as I entered my immunologist's clinic for my first immunotherapy. My cowardice hid underneath my big smile. I was afraid of catching another autoimmune disease. I was afraid of triggering another round of inflammation: uveitis or spondylitis. My optimism and hope had overshadowed my fear. I was excited to have give immunotheraphy a try.
Is there room for trying? Whatever... I trust, believe and surrender. But, up to now, I have endless questions about immunology. Maybe it is not a 100% trust. But I choose to surrender. I choose to play the Simon Says Game.
Honestly, I am not so eager to know my crossmatch result. Of course, I wish to attain a 100% PRA and high reaction code of 8 - 8. Why am I not so eager to see my LAT-M result? Maybe up to now, I am not so enrolled with the PRA and LIT thing.
Grrrr.... Why did I choose to surrender to my immunologist? I will have donor screening again on Monday. I am praying my donors will not back out. There is still enthusiasm in playing the Simon Says Game. Hoping my third LIT will push through on Wednesday.
I hope next month is my last LIT. Let us see, if immunology is really a fiction? Or perhaps a placebo. How to explain placebo effect? LIT just give me the feeling that my 'immunologic side' is taken care of, but in fact it is useless. I just addicted to take "empty or sugar pills" and LIT believing it can alleviate my condition.
I hope immunology is not a fiction!
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