polyp cautery again

I went to my obstetrician today. I told her that I guess my polyp had burst or twisted off. I have filled one napkin. The blood flow is similar to that of menstruation day 1. She inserted a speculum and said she has a good news and a bad news. The good news is the polyp became small. And the bad news is ... is polyp causing my bleeding?  Maybe there is subchorionic bleeding.

She did not pluck the polyp. She just cut it off then did a chemical cautery. The remaining polyp was too small to be biopsied. I wish she cut the polyp a week ago and requested a biopsy. Whatever...

I waited the bad news with suspense. Luckily, the ultrasound was good. The bleeding is caused by the polyp. she said everything is fine. According to the ultrasound report, the heart rate is 150. Three days ago it was 171 bpm. I am hesistant to call her just to ask about the heart rate. Meanwhile, I just google googled. ^.^ I also have anterior placent. What the heck is that? Grrr...

I went to grocery tonight. Shh...

im bleeding

Grrr... Am I a victim clumsy obstetrician? She did not check my polyp last Friday. I noticed fresh blood stain on the tissue paper as I wiped my genitals about 10 pm on Sunday. An hour later, my panty was soaked with blood. Oh my god! Do I need to go to the hospital? I was thinking that my polyp was torn. I am still on blood thinner maybe that had worsen the bleeding.

What shall I do in the hospital? I can imagine a bunch of funny residents attending to my emergency needs. Ouch! Those bunch of people do not even know how to use a thermometer! Huhu... my previous blog. If I go to the hospital, I will be a helpless victim. What is my position to argue that I don't want electric cautery? I feel I am safer at home.  I feel I just need a topical blood clotting agent to apply on my polyp wound. I guess the bleeding does not jeopardize the fetus.

I pray my hunch is correct. If in a hour my napkin gets soaked with blood, I will rush to the hospital.

It is a girl, perhaps

Today is 12w5 d.

My husband was very happy after learning the first unofficial gender announcement. Wahaha... It is a girl. It is too early to tell. My obstetrician showed me the structure. It looks like a female genitals. So far so good. My placenta thickness is also normal.

Do I want a girl or a boy? Ehem... I still prefer a girl because of ankylosing spondylitis concerns. Come what may,

ignorance is bliss

I woke up at 2:30 am and I can't fall back to sleep. Was it because of steriod? I mistakenly swapped morning and evening medicines. Prednisone must not be taken in the evening otherwise it can cause insomnia. I was thinking last night whether should I take that dose or simply skip it.

Ignorance is a bliss. Had I know nothing about Prenetics Verifi, I guess I will not be under such stress. Perhaps the true reason for my insomnia was I feel I was restricted. I wish to go to Hong Kong  for such blood test but my obstetrician refused to let me fly. I just feel I have a deadline to beat ... shh... I need to go to Hong Kong to tighten up my loose screws, otherwise I am getting crazy!

I just wonder does any couple think of chromosome abnormality before making love? Back in my mind I still think IVF is technology vs nature. Do I really have the blessing from god? I hope prayers do help! Think positive! I pray that the first karyotype study of my husband was just a lab error.

Dear God,
Please grant us a happy healthy and intelligent baby.

Home Sweet Home

When it rains, it floods. When it floods, did it rain? Maybe the fire hydrant nearby had just burst causing the flooding. Just kidding...

When there is swelling, there must be an inflammation. My placenta thickens. It is an indication of inflammation. He said my antiphospholipid antibody is attacking the placenta. My KCT is 130 and my DRVVT is 40.

My 7 liters soya milk and 3.5 kilograms of bean curd last week was not effective ya. I ended up with Smoflipid infusion shortly after the consultation with my immunologist last night. I just got home 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
 

The culprit of my spotting- polyp

I regret lifting the vacuum cleaner. I regret vacuuming my bed. I thought this caused the spotting. Shh... my secret. I dare not to send her message or to call her. I am not playing with reason yah! Her strict instruction was: stay at home. But, I never remembered that she mentioned "bed rest."

She went abroad for seven days. Part of me wanted to consult another obgyne, part of me wanted to consult her reliever and other part of me wanted to wait for her. I am indecisive. I just had an ultrasound last Friday, Why should I have another ultrasound in 3 days? I know she dislikes very frequent ultrasound. Was there still a heartbeat? What can I do when there is no more heartbeat? I believe it is quite safe. I decided to wait til she comes back. In the events of painful cramps, I am prepared to go to the emergency room.

After the 7 days wait, I finally got to see her this morning. I have a 2.5 cm long cervical polyp and it was dangling. She showed it to my husband. She just did a chemical cautery. The ultrasound was great.  I told her I want to go to Hong Kong for blood test. She said she will not allow me to fly. She then told my husband that she wanted to scold me. Hehe, are we friends yet? I wasnt scolded. Hehe, her first time to meet my husband. Shhh... she was quite finness today. She said nothing to worry about the reciprocal translocation, The nuchal translucency is OK. I take her word for it. Gee... learning hard to trust!

I should choose to be happy and carefree.

Life is a matter of choice. Either I choose to be happy or I choose worry. Worrying is tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts. Oopss... did my disturbing thoughts happen already? It seems worrying is integrated to my brain waves. This brings me the memoir of my father: planning, scheduling and decision making I always get scolded when I was younger because I have puny in this aspect.

I just feel worrying is part of my planning activity. Questions like:

- What if I have failed implantation, what shall I do next? Should I do a PGD?

- What if my fetus has genetic abnormality, what shall I do next?

- In the event of miscarriage, what shall I do next?

I often see expectant parents so happy scheduling their 20th week ultrasound- for gender detection or happily scheduling their 4D ultrasound for album and keepsake. I look at my 20th week ultrasound as a scary ultrasound- congenital anomaly scan. When should I schedule my congenital anomaly scan? Can it be one or two weeks earlier? This is to give way for the amniocentesis in the event of doubt. I have a deadline to beat- 24th week. It is unlawful to do abortion after 24th week of pregnancy in Hong Kong. I need to book my ivf doctor.  

Grrr... why am I thinking too much? After all, pregnancy is a gift of God. Sad to say, back in my mind: there is a little battle between technology and nature. I should choose to be happy and carefree.

Dear God, 

Thank you for this pregnancy.

Sleepless again- nipt

I was insomniac since last Sunday. Was caused by hormonal imbalance? Or was a result of my chromosome worries. I am afraid that I will be exceeding the allowable time frame for the first trimester Down Syndrome screening. Based on my inquires to few labs here, PAPP-A is not available in the Philippines. I was interested to book the biochemical screening for Down Syndrome + NT scan in Hong Kong. But, since I am spotting, I am not fit to travel. Ouch... the thought of my husband's first karyotype study was seriously bugging me.

Fortunately, there is a test that checks the fetal chromosome from the maternal blood stream. http://prenetics.com/expecting-parents/overview/  There are many biotech companies offering such service. Wow! I salute to technology!

Unfortunately, no such facility exist in Manila. Hong Kong was my only hope. I called the nurse where I did my ivf. I was trying my best to convince them that I want to courier my blood without going to Hong Kong.

What if I just do a phone in consultation? When should I go to HK? I am not certain when can I go to HK? What week will my immune system be least active? What if only my husband shows up in the consultation with my ivf doctor? And he carries with him my blood samples? If they give me the packing specifications for blood, I am 100% confident that we can send my blood via courier without problem, I occasionally would send out my blood to Chicago for immune testing. What is nuchal transluceny? If the fluid level on the nape of my fetus is low, should I still take the Verifi blood test?

If  I go to HK and have the Verifi test, only to find out my spotting is not good... Ouch! what is the cause of my spotting? 

Im still spotting

I am still spotting as of now. Poor me! I was thinking what will be my next move in the event of miscarriage. Should I try another round of FET? Can I do a tropechtoderm biopsy on my blastocysts? Thaw, freeze and re-thaw later?

I was thinking on how to convince my ivf doctor to do surrogacy. Under what circumstance is it allowed in Hong Kong? My mad brain was at work, I can't sleep. I fell asleep only after I successfully emailed him my surrogacy inquiry. It was 5 am already when I check the clock. If I have terrible sacroiliac joint pain and acute anterior uveitis during pregnancy are these sufficient ground for surrogacy?

Lately, I can feel my tail bone -my coccyx or perhaps my sacroiliac joints. It is not painful but I would rate it 0.5 in a scale of 10. My right knee 2/10 pain level. I am scared of having uveitis also. Knock on woods... I never had bilateral uveitis but that scenario is also possible. I will be temporarily blind. Oh my god, have mercy ob me!

Huhu.. My worse fear is blindness. Where did I inherit this HLA-B27 gene anyway?  I don't have any cousin, siblings, uncle, aunt, parents having spondyloarthropathy. Ei... It sounds like I detest my genes yah! My kid will also hate me for such. Ouch! If I am destined to be his/her mom, welcome...  If not... Ai... I accept my defeat this round. Should I try next round or forgo?

Btw, spotting during pregnancy is common according to many forums. http://www.fitpregnancy.com/pregnancy/labor-delivery/ask-labor-nurse/discharge-worry-and-reassurance

Anti surrogacy act of the Philippines http://www.senate.gov.ph/lisdata/54884531!.pdf

My funny anti neupogen sentiment

Ehem... my funny anti-neupogen sentiment on my previous posts. According to WSJ, FDA has approved the first biosimilar drug of Neupogen- Zarxio. Wow! Neupogen must be a great deug yah!

http://www.wsj.com/articles/fda-approves-first-biosimilar-drug-1425651840?mod=djemalertNEWS

What if...

What if I dont deserve to have a baby because I have ankylosing spondylitis? Who set the standards? I just imagined Hitler.

What if my parents did a PGD on me? I guess I will not be born in this world. Should I accept life as a package deal? Should I hate my fate because I have autoimmune disorder?

What if I did a PGD on my embryos and eventually all embryos are HLA-B27 positive? PGD is legal in Hong Kong but not in the Philippines. To the Catholic, life starts at embryo stage. Do I have the right to discard all the embryo?

What if I discarded the seropositive HLA-B27 embryos, but the babies are destined to be asymptomatic throughout their adulthood?

What if my spotting this afternoon is a sign of impending miscarriage? Ai.. I just went to see my obgyne this morning, everything was perfectly fine. This makes me think... what if my baby does not deserve to inherit the HLA-B27 gene?

What if my son has ankylosing spondylitis? Should he thank me for bringing him to this world? Should he detest me for my genes? Am I selfish?

I just believe pregnancy is God's will. I just tried my best to get pregnant and sustain the pregnancy. Come what may. I pray for a miracle.

I want to cry

I felt cramps this afternoon while washing my dishes. To my surprise ths evening, there is three inch long brown discharge on my panty.

Hey baby, are you still alive?

Chances are: it is a boy

It is my joy to see him alive and kicking. The umbilical cord is also formed. I am now 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It is too early to tell the gender. But, my obgyne showed me the triangular thing in the private part of the fetus. She said perhaps it is a boy. She will confirm later on. She told me to do hla-b27 screening when the baby is born.

Ouch, this reminds me that ankylosing spondylitis symptoms are more pronounced in male than in female. I hope ankylosing spondylitis does not affect his outlook in life. In the past, my immunologist  initially thought that my husband has ankylosing spondylitis. I corrected him and he said ankylosing spondylitis also causes erectile dysfunction. Hmmm... Is it true? Nothing can be undone!

Am I selfish? It depends on the viewer's perspective. I did not do PGD.  My conscience is clear the law of nature applies. Is ankylosing spondylitis a sufficient ground for me not to have a baby? Actually, I prefer a girl because of lesser AS symptoms. Hmmm... Should I consider another baby? Hehe... Now, I sound greedy.

Im still safe

I am still safe! No need to have Smoflipid and Ivig yet. I complained feeling squimish about soya. I still have a  long way to go. I still need to drink about 182 liters of soya milk and eat 91 kg of tofu.
My immunologist complained my albumin dropped. Ouch! Would that mean 360 pcs of chicken eggs? I am feeling nauseous on eggs also.

Whenever my doctor ask do I throw up, is my appetite good? I always reply: my appetite is good. Whenever he reminds me of soya and egg, I always complain nauseous. Haha, maybe it is just my psychology.

my yoyo blood results

My immune system is unpredictable. I thought I will be safe throughout.  I am so depressed.

(lupus anti-coagulants)

kct  feb11-  75;  feb16-  80;  feb 25-   110. 

esr- 43; 27 and 50.

Who will not doubt that I am playing with my medicines? Maybe I am reducing my dose. Did I? I thought I am brave but nowadays I feel coward to inject Heparin. I am afraid of needle. Ai... No choice! I hope I will not be scolded by my obgyne again.

I miss my immunologist- he cancelled his clinic last week. 

Hi baby, are you still there? I cant wait to see you  on my next ultrasound. Wave to me ya! Life is full of uncertainity. I met a fellow patient who had miscarriage on her 24th week. It was a twins. What went wrong? Immunologist said not immune related. Obgyne blamed her immune system. I pray for a healthy and intelligent baby. I pray for my health.

I felt squimish with soya milk already. But, I still try my best to drink it. I will have my late night dessert- cold sweeten soy bean curd now. Bye.