Do i need to see a perinatologist?

Why am I reluctant to seek for a second opinion regarding the subchorionic hemorrhage? Do i need to see a perinatologist? What shall be her management plan? Am I reluctant to see another obgyne because I am so attached with my current obgyne?

Is my autoantibodies the root cause of my hemorrhage? I thought my ESR was great. And, the globulin was still within the range ya. But, those data were a week old already. Let us see my updated lab report.

hemorrhage- 7w1d

My black pants were drenched with blood this morning. Had it be other color, I dont know what would be the public reaction? There was a big chunk of blood as well. It was about 3 inch x 2 inch. I was tempted to pick that bloody thin in public urinal for histopath. But, I felt groused. What was that bloody thing?

If the blood comes from outside the cervix, why was it a sudden pour? I was thinking it should be dripping not pouring. I wished my obgyne has checked my vaginal walls yesterday. Maybe we can put topical wound sealant. Should I stop all my pessaries? Should I stop heparin?

I sent my obgyne an sms message informing her about the vaginal bleeding. Luckily, despite of my obgyne's clinic day off today, she was also on her way to her clinic. She examined my vagina today. She said it must be from the cervix. Now, she had spotted the hematoma. The hematoma wasnt there yet yesterday. She asked me to contact my immunologist immediately. She said its immune rejection.

I thought I was extremely lucky this cycle. I thought my pregnancy will be as smooth as the breeze. The blood were storming in my uterus. There was also hematoma.

My babies are safe

Glad to hear that my babies are safe. There was no bleeding inside the uterus. Period! I did not interrogate her much. I dont want her to ask me questions anyway. She just said maybe my tiny blood vessels had bursted. Yeah, perhaps the lacerations were caused by Estrofem and Crinone. I feel prickly sting when I use Estrofem these days. There heat rate has increased to 132 and 144 respectively. So far, so good! Thank god.

What was the culprit?

What was the culprit behind my vaginal bleeding? Was it the bitter melon? I ate bitter melon yesterday and I found on the web that it may cause fetal bleeding. Some sites say it is safe though. What can i do, the harm is already there.
I continue with my medications today. Am I banking on false hope? Should my donor proceed with blood letting? I cant wait to see my obgyne today.
Dear god, pls grant me happy, healthy, intelligent babies. I would rather choose miscarriage than having children with birth defects. I am scared.

Where is my motivation?

I went into panic mode in the early evening. I was so nervous when I saw my hands full of blood. My bathroom lighting switch was also covered with blood. When I came back home, I still smelled the blood odor in my toilet. I wiped the blood stains and I am still hoping that I will move on to the next chapter of my pregnancy.  I have the strong feeling that my embryos are safe. Thank god. No more bleeding.

I dont know if I will regret my cheat day. For now, I am still contemplating my next action plan. I dont know if I would dare to get pregnant again. May it add toll to my health? Whenever I read the literature attached to the medicine, I see cancer, thrombosis...  Sometimes, I am chickening out. Where is my motivation?

I just spent 120k pesos for my ivig last sunday. Is my miscarriage too soon? Why prolong the agony, if this twins is not meant for me?  If miscarriage / preterm would happen in my second trimester, perhaps I will cry more. Dear god, pls dont break my heart.  Come what may.

For now, im blogging. Trying to keep myself sane. From now on,  I will abide house arrest and bed rest. I hope its not yet late. I just wish for happy, intelligent, healthy babies, if god permits.

Cheat day- 6w5d

Today is a cheat day. I walked to a bakeshop to buy a cake for my godson. I delivered the cake. Then, I shopped and dine with my baby at the nearby mall. Is driving prohibited during pregnancy? I drove to my doctor last Saturday night as well. After all, I should not act like a sleepy pig at home.

We shopped and dined at the nearby mall. My baby's eating mood this afternoon was the total opposite at lunch. He is a picky eater. I was so happy with the volume of ramen he slurped down. I had my own share of gluten enriched ramen. It was yummy. I will be gluten free again tomorrow.

When I arrived home, I watched how my playful son walk and how he pulls along my bag. After few minutes his nanny came. I went to my room to check my pending emails. Then, suddenly I felt my pants were wet. Am i experiencing urinary incontinence? I rush to the toilet and discovered those were fresh blood.

I rushed to the hospital afterwards. The ultrasound department has cut off at 5 pm. The resident docto just said there was no wound and polyp on the cervix. Now, the bleeding had stopped. I have just returned home. Are the babies safe? I will go to my obgyne tomorrow morning. I guess the bleeding came from the inside of my uterus. Do we still have heartbeats?

Two heartbeats

It was indeed two heartbeats. Double the blessing, double the excitement! Btw, There is a big difference between fraternal and identical twins. Fraternal twins means two sets of HLA. What am I carrying fraternal or identical twins? Fraternal twins means stronger immune response. Oh my god. I thought I am spared from ivig, since we have these heartbeat already.

 I am having my ivig infusion right now. I will be also needing LIT amid the zika virus scare. what is the incidence of zika virus in Manila?  Zika is self limiting. Patients may heal on its own without knowing they had zika.

Vaginal progesterone .... Which brand would you prefer?

I am not here to comment on my serum progesterone level. Which lab tells the correct reading: The lab far far away or the nearby lab? 12 hour after Gestone 50mg injection my serum progesterone level was 33.8 and this was done in Hong Kong.  It appears to my local obgyne that my progesterone is terrible low. My uterine lining is very thin. She said I am at risk of miscarriage. perhaps, she was correct. In this pregnancy, the injection site of Gestone became tender and itchy. Perhaps, my anti progesterone antibodies were acting up. So, what was my progesterone level last week? I was surprised with the lab result. It was 86. Is this value true?

First visit to my local obgyne has changed my medication to : utrogestan oral + crinone + proluton depot 250. I made a nice alibi on my second consult. Oral utrogen makes me dizzy and inserting utrogestan on vaginal route will not expose me to more risk of infection because whether I insert Utrogestan pessary or not, I have to insert Estrofem pessary.  She insisted she doesnt want me to be inserting too many medicines in my vagina.

Which product is more potent Utrogestan 200x 2 / day or Crinone once a day + duphaston oral 10mg x3/day? Why Crinone is used once a day only? In fact, it just contains 90mg of progesterone.

I hate Utrogestan for its sticky slimy discharge. Pee (ammonia) smell became an integral part of me. I dont know if my son's nanny can smell it or not. My panty gets wet more frequent. my panty was drier with crinone. Fewer episodes of smelly vagina.

While I was inserting Estrofem tonight, I felt my clumps in my vagina. I wish I could insert a mini vaccuum cleaner or spoon to scrape of my the vaginal lumps. I digged those vaginal clumps out. Is it advisable to dig out my vaginal clumps. Can the clamps cause vaginal infection? Did anyone experience the same? I choose Utrogestan over Crinone. 

I borrowed gall from the heavens

I wish to give my little boy sibling (s). But, my previous birthing experience demotivates me. I dont know how I borrowed gall from the heavens. (Gall symbolizes bravery... Its a chinese idiom.)

Since, it is in my possession. Let us get the balls rolling.

I realized that I was extremely lucky this cycle. My Amazing Race Hk went successful. Implantation was also successful. I have the strong feeling that the yolk sac shall appear on twin B. I have the steong feeling that they are god sent. I pray my fate will not be tricky. I am really a coward person. I dont want to get hurt.

My new hunch is prednisolone is causing liver and kidney havoc. But, i am now a little bit confident that this will be addressed tomorrow. I hope I can see my beloved immunologist tomorrow.

I was sleepless last night, perhaps because of the milk coffee, milk tea and peppermint tea. I was craving for milk tea yesterday. I was craving for the cheap cheap hong kong restaurant milk tea not those from milk tea bars. I wasnt satisfied with the milk tea I got.  I had two rounds of midnight snack last night. Btw, I discovered having some food on my stomach makes me less nauseous. 

My extreme challenge

Should I do my FET this cycle or not? If I postpone it, next month would be December. If unsuccessful, the Christmas holiday and Chinese New Year holidays shall postpone my schedule even further. I just dont want to get pregnant or give birth to babies in the year of the dog. Dog conflicts with dragon. I am a lady dragon. Am I very superstitious? I just wanted to avoid it. Somebody made a fortune telling on me before about birth defect in the year of the dog.

If I pursue FET this cycle that means I will miss the Canton Fair for at least three seasons. Which is more important business or babymaking? I tried to be selfish. I chose babymaking as my topmost priority. But, my greediness lures me to visit the fair. Yeah... I transit in Hong Kong. That is easy. Manila-Hong Kong- Guangzhou-Hong kong- Manila.

Last cycle,my lining was ready on day12. I usually ovulate early. Day 12 visit to my HK doctor's clinic was not a bad idea after all. My timing was heaven sent. I was bothered when my HK doctor asked me to come back in two days. My lining was not yet ready. How can that be? That means I need to reschedule my flight back to Hong kong? Or travel by land to Hong kong?  Forfeit my plane ticket? How can I be in the fair for one day only? I haggled to go back after three days. Then, I got guilty afterwards.  Would the one day delay affect my implantation success?

I was not having any mucus discharge on day 12. I got guilty of my greediness. The LH surge was still negative on day 13. I retested the LH surge in that evening. By the way, is there a flight back to Hong kong and /or Manila on my day 14? Anyway, Dr. Doo allowed me to go back to see him on my Day 15. That means he has assurance that one day delay in ovulation monitoring has no significant impact on the success rate. Since he can adjust when to put the embryo. Day 14 morning came, there was no stcky discharge yet. The LH surge was still negative. Did i drink too much water? Can too much water affects the LH kit surge result?  Then, that evening I started to see my much awaited mucus discharge. But, I forgot to test again that evening if my LH surge status.  Tomorrow is Day 15. I have a flight from Guangzhou to Hong kong. If i missed my Hong kong to manila flight, there is no more seat left even on business class and first class. What shall I do? It seems impossible to catch my plane if I am on three hour transit.  If I go back to Manila on Day16, the business class ticket one way from Hong kong to Manila is 6500 HKD cathay and  3000 HKD on Philippine airline. Crazy! Well it seems that my mistake was blessing in disguise.

Shhh... I dont know why i was so stupid? My Guangzhou hotel check out was on Nov4. But my plane ticket appears that I will be flying out Guangzhou on Nov3. I am a stingy person. What if i travel back to Guangzhou by train and flight to Manila from Guangzhou? Nice idea yeah... I get to use my excess hotel night in Guangzhou. Guangzhou to Manila flight only cost less than 800 RMB. I purchased the Guangzhou- Manila flight as an assurance. Hehe, my spare ticket just in case, I was left by our plane.

Then, Day 15 morning came, my LH kit returns a big smile. Oops, did I ovulated today or yesterday night? Will the timing have effect on the implantation success?  Luckily, our guangzhou to Hong Kong flight arrived 10 minutes early. I need to run as fast as I could. I need to be boarded on our plane within three hours. I realized that I am extremely lucky. I was one of the last passengers to board the plane back to Manila. Our flight was 15 minutes delayed. Thank you Cathay for the mini delay! Imagine that I looked much like a contestant in the Amazing Race, except that my backpack is smaller -toiletries/lingerie/ a set of outfit only. My lugguage was checkin. Thank you Hong Kong Government for the frequent visitor's e-channel.

The curse...

My obgyne hopes one twin dies early.  So, that I will have a singleton pregnancy throughout. I heard she made the same remarks to other patients before. I dont feel any respect left for her. I continue to see her because she is the partner of my immunologist.

I know it is risky to bear twins at 40 yrs old. But, I dont know the magnitude of risk a twin pregnancy entails. I dont know if i would pray for a set of twins or not? I was reading  about twin pregnancy stories on the web. Ouch... Cholestasis, premature labor, preeclampsia and broken water bag....

Twins?

6 days post embryo transfer my beta hcg was 138.
8 days post embryo transfer my beta hcg was 384.
11 days post embryo transfer my beta hcg was 1908.

My fingers were crossed as I wait for my obgyne to insert her transvaginal ultrasound. Today is 5w2d. Two gestational sacs were spotted. But, only one yolk sac was detected. Why I always have so many issues? Why I always have something to blog?

Maybe the first embry splits faster than the second embryo. The first embryo was expanded grade AA. It looks like a number 8. While the second embryo was still intact inside its shell- expanding grade AA. We used assisted hatching on both embryos. Perhaps, the development on the second embryo is a little bit slower.

I was brainwashed by my obgyne today. She and her bad mouth. Do I still wish for a twin? Come what may. I pray for happy, healthy intelligent baby (ies)!

What gender do I wish for? On my first pregnancy, I wished for a girl. But, I was rewarded with a little boy. It seems that I dont have any gender preference this pregnancy ya. I dont get affected when friends say: they wish for a girl for me this pregnancy.

On uterus lining thickness... How thin is too thin? My lining hickness is 1.48cm. Is bed rest really required? I am obedient enough to stay in the house but I can lay on bed for the whole day.

My midnight snack: pork skin or potato chips?

Why is my Sgpt and creatinine above border? I am eating on low protein diet on my own initiative. I have not visited my doctor yet. I guess it wont greatly affect my embryo(s) for now as my albumin is within the range.  Shocks... My globulin and drvvt... Where is my beloved immunologist?

I ate veggies and few pieces of meat today.  No wonder, I am hungry! What shall I eat? Bread , biscuits or potato chips? These are carbohydrates. I am on steroids and I dont want to get problem with my blood sugar later on. Veggies, dumplings? I am old school I use steamer instead of microwave. This means 15 minute wait. I am really hungry.

What is better crispy pork skin (chicharon) or potato chips? Ouch, chicharon has more protein than potato chips. I thought I was cutting protein because of my elevated creatinine. I go for chicharon. Aya... Dont want to think too much. Potato chips tomorrow!

By the way, what caused my kidney and liver havoc? Is it the prednisolone or the estradiol or some other meds? My estradiol was  2700 today. Last pregnancy it shot up to 11000. I thought my hormones look great. Maybe I am experiencing its adverse reactions. I had a record high progesterone at 86. But it was just 33.8 last week in Hong Kong. Something could be wrong with my nearest lab. Do I have an obsessive compulsion disorder? I called the laboratory to ask whether their reagent is new brand or new stock. I ended up taking another progesterone test after three days. My progesterone was 46 on the third day prior to my Proluton dose. What is the essence of blood test? I will be satiated only when the values are near my expected? Contrary to the progesterone value, my obgyne said my progesterone was low and my uterine lining was thin.

Could she be bluffing again? When does implantation bleeding occur? Could the brown spots be implantation bleeding?

Check up tomorrow.  Can the doctor see the gestational sac tomorrow? Why did I not take beta hcg , BUN and creatinine today? I dont want to think too much. Relax. I dont want to play Sherlock holmes for now. What medicine should we take off tomorrow? Or Shall the doctor add more medicine?  Ouch! Wish me luck!

I am pregnant

I went to my obgyne for ultrasound today. She confirmed that the corpus luteum is still intact. This means I am pregnant. But how about the gestational sac(s), where are they? My uterus lining is thin. My prospect is gloomy. I hope the oral, vaginal and injectible progesterone could help.

Am I still excited to wait for the bhcg numbers? I had brown stains on my panty this morning.

Where is the stork?

I felt little cramps this afternoon. I felt having menstruation. Luckily, those discharge were sky blue and white due to Utrogestan and Estrofem pessary. I was happy to tell some of my friends that I maybe pregnant. I will update my friends on my beta hcg value tomorrow. Good night!

After my routine toilet visit, I have noticed a brownish stain on my panty. Me and my big mouth! I sighted a stork from afar few days ago. Where is it now? Did it intend to visit me?

Bed rest or not

I remembered I took a cab straight to the hotel on my first embryo transfer. The nurse told me no need to bed rest. But, I did lay on the bed for an hour. Perhaps the hcg had triggered some food cravings on me. I was craving for a mango pudding. My husband wasnt familiar with food nearby our hotel. Come what may... I guessed that I walked under a thousand steps.

For this cycle, after my embryo transfer last Thursday, I asked my doctor whether I can go shopping or not. He told me to rest for two days and come back to his clinic for blood extraction and hcg injection. Rest! I guess rest is not the same as bed rest.

I ate late breakfast on my embryo transfer day.  I starving after the embryo transfer. Grrr... My husband insisted that we ate lunch at the fast food. Why cant I play as a queen bee resting in my bee hive? Why cant he play as a worker bee for a while? We walk under five hundred steps from clinic to fast food to taxi station then to hotel room. Queen bee asked for supper and worker bee insisted we dine together in the restaurant. I must learn to control my worker bees and slaves.

The next morning, I had some short list of restaurants from the OpenRice apps. Lazy worker bee! I saw in my Steps app that I have walked 6000+ (Apiece) on the embryo transfer day, and the day after. I have walked 9000 steps on the second day post transfer. Ehem... I used to have a sedentary lifestyle back home. I crave for milk tea. I skipped the mango pudding.

Is bed rest necessary? I held my pee for about an hour already. 15 minutes after the embryo transfer, I went to pee. Did the embryo flashed out? Anyway, I think there is no uterine cavity, but instead there are two muscles pushing each other. No gap between the uterus lining. No balloon. The embryos are put in place already. It might not fall anymore.

After I pee, my husband insisted I lie on the bed again. I refused. Those flashed were already flashed. He then asked me to sit down for a while. I refused. I said I want to eat and go back to hotel as soon as possible because I want to lie down. Why not lie down first for half hour before we head to restaurant and hotel? Am I really that starving? Can I fast for half hour more?

Btw, what is the best thing to do after the embryo transfer? I have sticky blood. I use transderm nitro patch on my tummy. That should dilate my blood vessels in order to let more blood flow into the uterus. To have more blood flowing to the uterus, does this mean... i should be standing or sitting? Will lying on my back increase my blood flow to the uterus?

Come what may, I went to shop with Alex these few days. I need to buy his stuffs before I get grounded. Bed rest or not?

Hello me, hello everyone... i am back to blogging

Perhaps I had a caffeine overload last night. I slept at 3:30 am and I woke up at 6 am. I could hear Alex's playful scream from my bedroom. His playful scream gave me the assurance that he was fine. He had bumped his head on the floor last night. Went to the dining room to check what was he doing. I could not go back to sleep. Then, I just ate my breakfast and forced myself to go back to sleep. Maybe it was the temptation that keeps me from my soundful sleep.

Today is the 6th day post blastocyst transfer, three days ahead of my scheduled beta hcg test. I had beta hcg shot last Saturday. I may get a false positive- a false hope. Ouch... Temptations. HPT kit are jinx. I should not use one!  Should I test- yes or no?

I will not cry if it turned out to be a negative pregnancy. Will I cry if It turns out to be a false positive? Why am I so eager to test? Crazy Me! Perhaps, I am just an adventure lover. I wish to have a little adrenalin rush.  In the end,  I was not able to resist the temptation. I opened the kit and tried. Why did I buy the hpt in the first place? I guess it is the thrill of every expectant mom to test before their menstruation arrives? It was written on the hot box that that product detects pregnancy on the first day of missed period. If I ovulated on Nov 3, that means today is the 13th day post ovulation. Right timing to try but at the expense of synthetic hcg shot. Grr.. Curiosity killed me.

Few seconds pasts and I was just seeing a single line. After my bath, was there a new super faint line? Illusion vs reality. I cant wait to take me beta hcg. Hey, was it a false positive?

My beta hcg result were out by noon. Then, what? I realized that I have obsessive compulsive disorder. I could not believe the quantitative value. I feel if the hcg is over a 100, the hpt kit should return two dark lines. Should not it?

Excess embryos

My friend will keep her frozen embryos in the freezer forever. Is there such thing as forever? Would that mean her son and the succeeding generations thereafter need to perpetually pay for the embryo storage? Why pass the embryo safekeeping obligation to the succeeding generations? Definitely, she feels awkward to see the replica or look alike of her sons.

I told her my baby spent his first Christmas in the freezer. Life starts at embryonic stage. Wouldn't she really consider donating the embryos? For sure the snowflakes embryo recipient will be happy and treat the baby as their own. What if the snowflakes recipient gives "her" baby corned beef (unhealthy food loaded with nitrites) every day? She would rather discard the embryos. Why she keeps on paying the storage fee if she does not even have the plan to use them?

Before I did ivf stimulation, the clinic in Hong Kong already presented the possible options to us: 1. Donate to childless couples; 2. Donate for research; I cant recall was there a number 3? 3. Discard the embryo. There was no option to freeze embryos forever!

Back to our corned beef  arguement. I represent corned beef as unhealthy environment/ food and lower social standing. Would I let "my" embryo live in that environment?  What if one day I meet one of my donated embryo? Why my first born has a better life than his? Ouch.

Let me think it over. What is moral? What is legal?

Forced weaning

How did I successfully wean? I forgot! I left my baby to the new nanny and had a 5- day vacation. During vacation, I did not bring any breast pump with me. I just squeezed the milk out. When I came back home, my baby was already asleep. He cried in the middle of the night, he hugged his nanny and went back to sleep. I was observing him as if he has forgotten me. The next day he was very clingy. It seemed like he missed my breast so much. He became more irritable when sleepy. My breast was the only thing that could tame him. I breastfed him for few more nights.

But, I just turned 40 year old last month. I feel the pressure of racing against time. I wanted to have another baby. I need to wean him completely. I hope my menstruation will arrive naturally. Otherwise, I need to take medicine but it can cause dizziness and perhaps other side effects.

Today is my sixth day of weaning. I still have milk but I don't pump anymore. I miss breastfeeding. It is somewhat soothing and occasionally aching (if bitten). Can anyone imagine being sucked by a puppy?  

I'm looking forward to my period.

fussy nights again

I never thought I could handle such a fussy baby. Alex slept a 7 pm then went fussy around midnight. The challenging part was midnight and before dawn. He would really dig his face into my bra and cry out loud. It was inconsolable. He would shun away from the feeding bottle nipple. I have tried inserting the feeding bottle nipple into his mouth while he was breastfeeding but to no avail. He strongly refuses feeding bottle during bedtime.

I woke up at 4 am today. I feed him from bottle but he never got satiated. His mouth would position exactly to where my breasts are. I wrestled with him until he went knock out. 1.5 hour bout was not that tiresome because I was lying with him on the bed.

I am not getting enough sleep. Is my baby getting enough sleep? He just have few short naps during the day. Other babies could have long sleeps during the day.

I was tempted to feed him my breast during the dawn. Stop breastfeeding?  I feel I am racing against time again. I wish to have embryo transfer very soon. I want to give birth before the year of the dog. My zodiac , dragon , conflicts with dog. And I am 42 yr old by then. Another issue, I need to have embryo transfer before my anti-idiotypic antibody gets depleted.

Ouch.. my advise to couples: marry earlier.

no more sleepless nights

My baby was spoiled by nannies or perhaps by me. There was a time that I had no nannies. I could not cradle and dance my baby to sleep. I thought it was a clever idea to breastfeed my baby to sleep. Yes, it was indeed easy. Eventually, I became his human pacifier. Ouch... It seems like his crib has sensors. Whenever it try to lay him on this crib, he would suddenly awake and cry out loud. We slept on the recliner seat until one day he almost fell from the seat. Luckily, he was still hanging on the blanket and my husband saved him. Initially, side lying position for breastfeeding strained my butt and waist. But now, I have mastered it. I slept well at night.

My baby could not go to sleep without my breast. Ouch. I plan to wean by this month end. I want to have another round of embryo transfer. Is weaning a must?

my son is underweight

My son is already 4-month old, but he just weighs 4.28 kg. Ii is less than 5% percentile. I was advised to take my pre-natal vitamins.
Will this work? Let us see. Should we insist breastfeeding?