Forced weaning

How did I successfully wean? I forgot! I left my baby to the new nanny and had a 5- day vacation. During vacation, I did not bring any breast pump with me. I just squeezed the milk out. When I came back home, my baby was already asleep. He cried in the middle of the night, he hugged his nanny and went back to sleep. I was observing him as if he has forgotten me. The next day he was very clingy. It seemed like he missed my breast so much. He became more irritable when sleepy. My breast was the only thing that could tame him. I breastfed him for few more nights.

But, I just turned 40 year old last month. I feel the pressure of racing against time. I wanted to have another baby. I need to wean him completely. I hope my menstruation will arrive naturally. Otherwise, I need to take medicine but it can cause dizziness and perhaps other side effects.

Today is my sixth day of weaning. I still have milk but I don't pump anymore. I miss breastfeeding. It is somewhat soothing and occasionally aching (if bitten). Can anyone imagine being sucked by a puppy?  

I'm looking forward to my period.

fussy nights again

I never thought I could handle such a fussy baby. Alex slept a 7 pm then went fussy around midnight. The challenging part was midnight and before dawn. He would really dig his face into my bra and cry out loud. It was inconsolable. He would shun away from the feeding bottle nipple. I have tried inserting the feeding bottle nipple into his mouth while he was breastfeeding but to no avail. He strongly refuses feeding bottle during bedtime.

I woke up at 4 am today. I feed him from bottle but he never got satiated. His mouth would position exactly to where my breasts are. I wrestled with him until he went knock out. 1.5 hour bout was not that tiresome because I was lying with him on the bed.

I am not getting enough sleep. Is my baby getting enough sleep? He just have few short naps during the day. Other babies could have long sleeps during the day.

I was tempted to feed him my breast during the dawn. Stop breastfeeding?  I feel I am racing against time again. I wish to have embryo transfer very soon. I want to give birth before the year of the dog. My zodiac , dragon , conflicts with dog. And I am 42 yr old by then. Another issue, I need to have embryo transfer before my anti-idiotypic antibody gets depleted.

Ouch.. my advise to couples: marry earlier.

no more sleepless nights

My baby was spoiled by nannies or perhaps by me. There was a time that I had no nannies. I could not cradle and dance my baby to sleep. I thought it was a clever idea to breastfeed my baby to sleep. Yes, it was indeed easy. Eventually, I became his human pacifier. Ouch... It seems like his crib has sensors. Whenever it try to lay him on this crib, he would suddenly awake and cry out loud. We slept on the recliner seat until one day he almost fell from the seat. Luckily, he was still hanging on the blanket and my husband saved him. Initially, side lying position for breastfeeding strained my butt and waist. But now, I have mastered it. I slept well at night.

My baby could not go to sleep without my breast. Ouch. I plan to wean by this month end. I want to have another round of embryo transfer. Is weaning a must?

my son is underweight

My son is already 4-month old, but he just weighs 4.28 kg. Ii is less than 5% percentile. I was advised to take my pre-natal vitamins.
Will this work? Let us see. Should we insist breastfeeding?

Merry Christmas Alex

Merry Christmas Alex. How shall we celebrate your first Christmas? Oops.. It is your second christmas. I almost forget you have spent your first christmas in the freezer together with your 6 siblings (embryos).

How is it like to be kept in the freezer? What are your five remaining siblings doing? Are they having fun? I have just received the bill for their ( embryo ) storage. Shall I have an embryo transfer again next year? Pregnancy and giving birth is a bit challenging to me.

Dehydrated cow

I feel like a dehydrated cow. My baby seems to be permanently latched to my breast. Did I overfeed my baby? The pediatrician always assures me that my milk supply is sufficient. I cant help to compare my baby to his cousin. One week after birth my sister's baby weighs 4 kg, while my baby weighs 2.9 kg only. I once once scolded for benchmarking. Am i willing to swap my baby with my sister?

What is the reason for my low milk let-down? Despite of 20 ml pump output or sometimes even lower at 8th week, Our pediatrician still convince me to breastfeed without cow's milk supplement. My baby is not a cow. She said I have many allergies and I should not switch to cow's milk. She doesnt want to introduce foreign protein to my baby. Shhh... I did one dose in the past secretly. The bstool was too sticky. Shhh.... I should have told her. Anyway, I will test my patience and endurance. Up to when can I sustain breastfeeding?

What is wrong if we introduce foreign protein to my baby. Sooner or later he will be eating ice cream,    Chocolates , and other milk products.

Ouch... My joints

Ouch... Joint pain. What  could this be?

I had tested my esr and hba1c on my own intitive. My esr is 33. Could this mean low grade inflammation? Is this caused by my autoimmune disorder?  my hba1c is 5.6. My hba1c had increased. Could this mean my insulin resistance had worsen?

I went to an endocrinologist and complained to him: joint paint + post partum weight gain. Could this be postpartum thyroditis? Like an old vechicle, I need a total tune up. I guess the thyroid test turns out negative. I cannot interpret. I havent go back to my endocrinologist yet.

I hate to go to see my rheumatologist. I feel she can just help to alleviate my symptoms but there is no breakthrough cure.

Could my esr related to my anti phospholipid antibody activity?