Im still spotting

I am still spotting as of now. Poor me! I was thinking what will be my next move in the event of miscarriage. Should I try another round of FET? Can I do a tropechtoderm biopsy on my blastocysts? Thaw, freeze and re-thaw later?

I was thinking on how to convince my ivf doctor to do surrogacy. Under what circumstance is it allowed in Hong Kong? My mad brain was at work, I can't sleep. I fell asleep only after I successfully emailed him my surrogacy inquiry. It was 5 am already when I check the clock. If I have terrible sacroiliac joint pain and acute anterior uveitis during pregnancy are these sufficient ground for surrogacy?

Lately, I can feel my tail bone -my coccyx or perhaps my sacroiliac joints. It is not painful but I would rate it 0.5 in a scale of 10. My right knee 2/10 pain level. I am scared of having uveitis also. Knock on woods... I never had bilateral uveitis but that scenario is also possible. I will be temporarily blind. Oh my god, have mercy ob me!

Huhu.. My worse fear is blindness. Where did I inherit this HLA-B27 gene anyway?  I don't have any cousin, siblings, uncle, aunt, parents having spondyloarthropathy. Ei... It sounds like I detest my genes yah! My kid will also hate me for such. Ouch! If I am destined to be his/her mom, welcome...  If not... Ai... I accept my defeat this round. Should I try next round or forgo?

Btw, spotting during pregnancy is common according to many forums. http://www.fitpregnancy.com/pregnancy/labor-delivery/ask-labor-nurse/discharge-worry-and-reassurance

Anti surrogacy act of the Philippines http://www.senate.gov.ph/lisdata/54884531!.pdf

My funny anti neupogen sentiment

Ehem... my funny anti-neupogen sentiment on my previous posts. According to WSJ, FDA has approved the first biosimilar drug of Neupogen- Zarxio. Wow! Neupogen must be a great deug yah!

http://www.wsj.com/articles/fda-approves-first-biosimilar-drug-1425651840?mod=djemalertNEWS

What if...

What if I dont deserve to have a baby because I have ankylosing spondylitis? Who set the standards? I just imagined Hitler.

What if my parents did a PGD on me? I guess I will not be born in this world. Should I accept life as a package deal? Should I hate my fate because I have autoimmune disorder?

What if I did a PGD on my embryos and eventually all embryos are HLA-B27 positive? PGD is legal in Hong Kong but not in the Philippines. To the Catholic, life starts at embryo stage. Do I have the right to discard all the embryo?

What if I discarded the seropositive HLA-B27 embryos, but the babies are destined to be asymptomatic throughout their adulthood?

What if my spotting this afternoon is a sign of impending miscarriage? Ai.. I just went to see my obgyne this morning, everything was perfectly fine. This makes me think... what if my baby does not deserve to inherit the HLA-B27 gene?

What if my son has ankylosing spondylitis? Should he thank me for bringing him to this world? Should he detest me for my genes? Am I selfish?

I just believe pregnancy is God's will. I just tried my best to get pregnant and sustain the pregnancy. Come what may. I pray for a miracle.

I want to cry

I felt cramps this afternoon while washing my dishes. To my surprise ths evening, there is three inch long brown discharge on my panty.

Hey baby, are you still alive?

Chances are: it is a boy

It is my joy to see him alive and kicking. The umbilical cord is also formed. I am now 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It is too early to tell the gender. But, my obgyne showed me the triangular thing in the private part of the fetus. She said perhaps it is a boy. She will confirm later on. She told me to do hla-b27 screening when the baby is born.

Ouch, this reminds me that ankylosing spondylitis symptoms are more pronounced in male than in female. I hope ankylosing spondylitis does not affect his outlook in life. In the past, my immunologist  initially thought that my husband has ankylosing spondylitis. I corrected him and he said ankylosing spondylitis also causes erectile dysfunction. Hmmm... Is it true? Nothing can be undone!

Am I selfish? It depends on the viewer's perspective. I did not do PGD.  My conscience is clear the law of nature applies. Is ankylosing spondylitis a sufficient ground for me not to have a baby? Actually, I prefer a girl because of lesser AS symptoms. Hmmm... Should I consider another baby? Hehe... Now, I sound greedy.

Im still safe

I am still safe! No need to have Smoflipid and Ivig yet. I complained feeling squimish about soya. I still have a  long way to go. I still need to drink about 182 liters of soya milk and eat 91 kg of tofu.
My immunologist complained my albumin dropped. Ouch! Would that mean 360 pcs of chicken eggs? I am feeling nauseous on eggs also.

Whenever my doctor ask do I throw up, is my appetite good? I always reply: my appetite is good. Whenever he reminds me of soya and egg, I always complain nauseous. Haha, maybe it is just my psychology.

my yoyo blood results

My immune system is unpredictable. I thought I will be safe throughout.  I am so depressed.

(lupus anti-coagulants)

kct  feb11-  75;  feb16-  80;  feb 25-   110. 

esr- 43; 27 and 50.

Who will not doubt that I am playing with my medicines? Maybe I am reducing my dose. Did I? I thought I am brave but nowadays I feel coward to inject Heparin. I am afraid of needle. Ai... No choice! I hope I will not be scolded by my obgyne again.

I miss my immunologist- he cancelled his clinic last week. 

Hi baby, are you still there? I cant wait to see you  on my next ultrasound. Wave to me ya! Life is full of uncertainity. I met a fellow patient who had miscarriage on her 24th week. It was a twins. What went wrong? Immunologist said not immune related. Obgyne blamed her immune system. I pray for a healthy and intelligent baby. I pray for my health.

I felt squimish with soya milk already. But, I still try my best to drink it. I will have my late night dessert- cold sweeten soy bean curd now. Bye.